Enjoyable Dates

I've been thinking recently about Shauns last few posts, and about my own dating situation.

It seems like, instead of asking a girl on a date and then planning to do something that she might enjoy, why not plan to do something you enjoy doing, then invite a girl to join you in the activity?

-Bob

My first mistake...

I think I know one of the things I've been doing wrong. Instead of starting out by thinking about what might be fun to generally do, I have been thinking about what "other people" do on "normal" dates.

First, what do I care what other people do for fun? With my dates I've been taking a high school like attitude which results in doing things the way most other people do, despite getting bad results.

Secondly, who am I to let someone else define what this mythical "normal" is? For shame!!! It is a foolish thing that I have looked outside of myself to determine what I should do.

No, I must move forward. I must put down old attitudes and habits. I must also better define the separation of my work from the rest of my life. If I do not, work will continue to negatively impact many friendships I enjoy presently. Which thing, I believe, has contributed to not enjoying dates much recently.

I think I've got a problem

I went on a date tonight. It was OK, but not great. Though, I think I'm the reason why it didn't go much better than OK.

I'm so very not enthused about dating in general that when I'm on a date I just can't get into it. I think I've also gotten into the habit of not making myself mentally available.

Somewhere I learned that showing interest is a bad thing. From that I transitioned to acting disinterested so as to not show too much interest. Now I'm becoming legitimately disinterested in the dating process even when I want to try going out with someone.

This all adds up to trouble, and I've got to do something about it.

If I don't change anything then Earnest (jack) in the importance of being earnest said it best, "Then a passionate celibacy is all that any of us can look forward to".

I'm going to try again. I'm also going to try my best to be a better date next time. Wish me luck...

Regulation dates

It seems that all I seem to be going on are regulation dates ending in regulation disappointment. It's a phrase that comes from the episode of Futurama where fry dates a bureaucrat.

I think the biggest problem is that I'm just not really into it. I'm coming to expect that dates will go poorly and I'm just not really willing to put the effort into it. It doesn't help that with 4 out of 5 it is my own disinterest that causes me not to try for a second date.

Suffice it to say that dating is hard. There are a lot of people that I don't match very well at all, and it's just so much easier to not go out and spend time doing things I enjoy instead.

The only trouble is that I feel like I'm missing something. Something that has just enough power to make me go on more dates, even though I'm not really enjoying it.

Couple Programmers?

Someone sent the following to our ward e-mail list:

"The company I work for is looking for couple
programmers."

That's why I'm still single. I haven't been programmed properly yet....

-Bob

Shyness Sucks

I've been working an unusual job this summer. I have opted to not disclose the location until the end of the summer. However, I met someone really cool while I was there. I tracked down her email address and sent her the following email. I have edited some parts out....

N.-

This feels really, really weird to do. If this email creeps you out and you think I'm a stalker or something, go ahead and delete it. I promise you that unless I hear back from you, this will be the last you hear from me. Stalkers don't make those promises. :)

Now, to the meat of my email. Last Saturday at breakfast, your co-[worker] (her name slips my mind) came and sat next to me. We chatted for a moment with some other counselors, then she hit me with the question.

"Do you like N.?"

And then the follow-up:

"If you like her, why didn't you talk to her?"

Thoughts raised by these questions have rolled around in my head for the past five days. And, well, I'd like to share my honest answers and thoughts with you.

As far as the first question goes, the answer on Saturday was "yes." When you first came and sat down next to me [on] Sunday and introduced yourself, my first two thoughts were "Dang, she's cute," followed by "I'm going to like [this job]." Call me shallow if you want to, but remember, I'm being honest.

During our limited conversations the next week, my thoughts turned to what a cool woman you are. Kindness radiates around you, and touches those with whom you come in contact with. The more I saw, the more I liked. That leads us to question #2:

"If you like her, why didn't you talk to her?"

The short answer is that I am shy. Especially when it comes to girls I "like.," and telling them that I like them and would like to get to know them better. It's a terrible thing. It ranks fairly high on my list of "reasons Bob is not married yet." Yes, the list does exist. My Bishop made me make it a few years ago. I have overcome most things on my list, and I don't share the list with many people (some of my best friends don't know that the list exists). But I digress.

My shyness is the reason I am writing this instead of calling you. I am much better at the written word than the spoken word. I always feel like less of a dork when I write.

I thought about asking you out as early as Wednesday. However, that little "you'll sound like a dork" kept creeping up on me. I decided that if there was a time that I saw you away from everyone to ask you, it would be easier. That time did not come.

Now, on to what has transpired since that breakfast conversation of Saturday. I had hoped to catch you at the [meeting] that morning, but I didn't. The whole way home, I thought about what I had done, or not done. I decided that I needed to try and find you.

Most people I told about this have told me that I will come across as a stalker. I admit that I sound like a stalker to myself at this point. That's the reason I'm typing this on Thursday and not Monday. I've spent the three days deciding whether jumping off this cliff into stalker-ism was worth it.

Then, about 2:30 this morning, the thought occurred to me: I was sick of living a life of regrets. If I did it, what's the worst that could happen? You would think me a stalker or a dork or something else, and I'd never hear from you again. However, if I didn't write this, Bob [A] would be that strange kid you sat next to at the [job] back in 2007, and I'd never hear from you again.

Well, I've rambled on long enough. I figure that if you are still reading this, you are either enjoying a good laugh at my dorkiness, calling the cops to report me as a stalker, or you're intrigued enough to answer the following question:

Could I have the opportunity to get to know you better, in one way or another?

Again, if you don't reply (or reply and tell me to jump off a cliff....), this is the last you'll hear from me. Because if I kept up the contact, then I'd really be a stalker....

-Bob [A]

I share this with you for a few reasons:

#1: It's been 1.5 months since either Shaun or I posted anything to this blog, which is pretty sad. And, if nothing else, it was a fabulous adventure into the dating world.

#2: I would like to admit that I'm a shy guy. Admitting it is the first step to recovery, I think.

#3: To prove to the two people that read this blog that I am a dork.

Now, you're probably hoping that I got this great reply and that N and I will be riding off into the sunset.

Well, not so much:

Bob,

I'm flattered that you took the time to email me and let me know how you feel. It was nice to talk to you a couple times last week. However, I have been dating someone for a while now who I really like.

I know what you mean about not wanting to live with any regrets and I wish you well in the future!

N.

Holding back

Today I got the distinct impression that one of the big problems these days is that everyone holds back.

I hold back when someone shows interest and I'm not that interested. I keep talking to others and I keep seeing them hold back.

I'm not making it for going on a date this week. Tomorrow is the end of the 7 days I declared and I have gone on no date. When I want to ask someone new out, I hold back, lest I scare them off.

Last week I tried asking someone out and she declared herself busy all this week. This resulted in the general cooling I notice from many of the women I try to ask out. Holding back...

When I meet new people I find I have little to say to make conversation. So I say nothing. Holding back...

I think the next thing I need to work on is not holding back. I can't expect others to improve on this until I stop holding back.

Shaun

Not looking good

A few days I said I would go on a date within 7 days. The first attempt failed with a one week deferral. Said deferral may become permanent anyway so I have still been looking for another date.

I'm not sure what my problem is, but I just don't think I'm making good use of my time when it comes to meeting people. I went to ward prayer Sunday night and didn't even meet anyone new.

We'll see how I do tonight, but it's just not looking so good for me making it on a date this week.

It doesn't help that I'm not super motivated.

Shaun

Dating game theory

This week I decided to bring in Dr. Nash an expert in game theory.

Non-Dating adventures is right

I finally got a chance to read Bob's last post about our conversation a month ago. The really sad part is that I can't think of any dates I've been on in the last 2 months.

I have no idea how that time creeps up like that, but it did. That said, I will go on a date within 7 days. I recently decided I needed to take dating more seriously so I promptly didn't go on any non-serious dates. Or any dates at all...

I'm not sure that's how that was supposed to work.

Shaun

PS. If I don't have a date in 7 days I promise to make a posting of shame.

Fabulous Adventures in non-Dating

I was playing with google last night. I typed in "fabulous dating adventures."

This blog came us first.

However, that led Shaun and I to talk.

We both agreed that the reson why we don't post to this blog very often is because we don't have many fabulous adventures in dating.

Shaun said it was because his advetures aren't always fabulous.

I said it's because my fabulous adventures don't include dating.

In any case, I promise to include dating in my fabulous adventures, and to share with you the journey...

-Bob

James E Faust: Dating "sacred"

"Occasionally someone suggests it be appropriate to have a computer dating program set up under church auspices, or some kind of marriage search committee set up so that the Church could more directly be involved in marriage partner selection. My response to such suggestions is that the selection process for eternal companions is so sacred that no one can or should intrude into the making of these choices except the individuals themselves, who should assume and bear the responsibility with divine guidance, parental counsel, and in some cases if necessary the help of a wise bishop."

-"The Odyssey to Happiness," in Speeches of the Year: BYU Devotional and Ten-Stake Fireside Addresses, 1974. 1975, 325

Is Dating Like Voting?

There have been two things on my mind alot lately: Dating and Politics. I've decided the two are very similar.

The list of candidates is large. Some characteristics of the candidates are such that you automatically disqualify them. Others have many qualities you like, but some you dislike. It is near impossible to find the perfect candidate. Weeding through the candidates can be very time consuming. Some candidates spend way too much money trying to woo you.

Oh, and many people are way too apathetic towards the process.

-Bob

How much do you do?

A few weeks ago I had three dates in one week. When questioned about it I pointed out that it was a non-representative spike in dating activity. I see myself slipping back into my quarterly dating I was doing before.

Oddly enough there are always things that get in the way. Here are a few of my favorites.

• Bills came due, I'm broke the rest of the week.
• I forget to call until it's after 10:00. Oops, maybe tomorrow...
  
• She's "busy".
• I'm "busy".
• Friday/Saturday night Relief Society activities.
• I realize I'm interested days before she moves out of the country.
  

There's one more thing we need to address. There are alot of people that can't date me. It's just the way it is.

The biggest thing I avoid is someone who has any shows they just have to watch. For me TV is a waster of minds. It encourages sedentary behavior and dependence on external sources for entertainment.

The moral of this post?

If you're not interested say that instead of "busy".
If there's a relief society activity it might be OK to go on a date instead.
If you want me to like you, don't watch TV.

Is that so hard?

Get that name right

I was checking the updated name change and realized that bob got the wrong name. It's inspired by the title of another blog that I read. Fabulous Adventures in Coding.

Adventures in Dating

Shaun and I were talking on Sunday, and we came up with a new name for this blog. However, I can't remember if this was the correct name or not.

Shaun, please email me if I have the wrong name...

-Bob

An Old Friend

Today, I ran into an old friend of mine while downtown. We talked for a while, and then she needed to return to work, and I walked he there, while we still conversed.

I had, at one point in time, wanted to ask her out. However, annother friend had called dibs, and then acted on the dibs. They went out a few times.

Then, friend #2 took bad advice, and ended the relationship.

Actually, he didn't "end" it so much as not calling her again.

What a shame.

He and she were so much better together than she and I would be.

But, it's his loss, not mine.

-Bob

Extreme Dating

A singles ward that some of my friends attend just instituted a dating program for their ward. While I don't have all the details, these are two details that I know about:

For the sisters, ask 12 boys out in the next 12 months.

For the Brothers, go on 18 dates in the next 3 months. 6 of them should be second dates or more.

The first part, women asking on a date a month, is a good idea. Maybe not quite that many, but women should not be worried about asking a guy out. Stop dancing around the issue, hoping we will ask you out. If you want to go on a sate with us, ask us!

The second is extreme. Start out small, like one date a week (Which is still a lot!) and then move on from there. 1.5/week? Sheesh!

-Bob