Monday, June 24, 2013

Matchmaker, Make ME A Match?

A few weeks ago, the Misfit First Ward held an activity.  There is a girl in that ward who bills herself as "Utah's Matchmaker."  Honestly, I have no idea how good her services are, but I find this type of thing interesting, because it feels a little like making money off of others' desperation.  Then again, I could think of worse things to make money off of.

But that's not what this post is about.  Back to the activity.

The Matchmaker offered her services to the ward for this activity.  People signed up online by filling out a questionnaire, and then the Matchmaker used this to match people up.

And, we're not talking one match per person.  We're talking three matches per person, so that everyone would have three mini-dates by the end of the night.

I only signed up because I was tired of all the begging for more men to sign up.  After all, if we didn't have equal numbers of men and women, there would have to be some polyg-a-dating going on, and that would be a bad thing.  Trust me -- my first exposure to speed dating as speed polyg-a-dating.  It was bad, very bad.  I didn't want to go, but decided after getting nagged that if all else fails, this would help get me out of my rut.

So, I signed up for the activity, and awaited info on where I was going.  I finally got a phone call about what I was supposed to bring, and where to go. That night, we all met at the church.  When we got called regarding our food assignment, we also were given a color assignment.  There were corresponding colors posted all around the gym (plus people standing by the entrances with lists in case you didn't remember your color).  When you found your color, there was someone standing there with nametags and maps showing you whose house you were going to.  The nametags had your name plus three other names.  You had to find the first name on our tag, and travel to dinner with that person.  Once everyone got to dinner, you ate with the middle person, then traveled back to the church and the girl's car with the person on the bottom of your list.

The first two people I had a date with were O.K.  To be fair, I didn't fill out the entire questionnaire, so the Matchmaker didn't have much to go on.  During dinner, I went into the kitchen to replenish our drinks, and saw another guy who commented that the girl he was with was definitely NOT a match for him.  Well, turns out she was MY date #3, and definitely my best match of the night.  We had an enjoyable conversation, and I honestly wish the night could have gone on a little longer, but I had to head to work.  Of course, since I have horrible skills, I didn't even ask for a phone number, but I hope to run into her again.  Of course, since we're not in the same ward anymore, that might be a little more difficult, but we'll see.

So, with limited information, the Matchmaker was able to bat 33%.  That's actually pretty good if you ask me.


Sunday, June 09, 2013

Every New Beginning Comes From Some Other Beginning's End

Thirteen Years ago today, I experienced a big "new beginning" -- the end of my mission.  On June 9, 2000, I flew back home from Minneapolis, Minnesota.  Since then, June 9 has been a day to reflect on "new beginnings" in my life.  Sort of like a second stab at New Year's Day, without the counting down til midnight.

There have been many "new beginnings" in the past few months -- I started a new job in a totally foreign career, I bought a car by myself for the first time, and I moved to a different county.  However, today, I want to reflect on a different "new beginning" currently in progress.

On that beautiful day 13 years ago, I woke up with zero desire to ever go to a single's ward.  However, when I was sitting in the Stake President's office, he challenged me to try the local single's ward for three months.  He had an agreement with the bishop of that ward that new missionaries wouldn't get a calling for those three months, so that if the didn't like the ward, they wouldn't feel trapped there at the end of the three months.  I took up the challenge, and tried the single's ward.

Nearly 11 years later, I was still in that single's ward.  it was time to move on.  I decided to try what my friend had called the Ward of Misfit Toys -- a midsingles ward (cue ominous BOOM BOOM BOOM here).  I discovered that there were many misfits in that ward, but also came to realize that I, too, was a misfit.  I knew that this was the ward for me.

That was a little more than two years ago.  With my recent move, I was no longer living in that ward's boundaries.  Even though the bishop told me that I could stay, since there are many ward members who don't live in the boundaries, I have come to the realization that it is time for me to change to another ward.  Yes, the Misfit 2nd Ward.

I'll miss my time in the Misfit 1st Ward.  My best friend (the one who coined the term and only came to the ward with me kicking and screaming) met his wife in the ward.  I've made many friends, renewed old friendships, and hope to continue those friendships.  I've even met a few people that, if life had happened slightly differently, we probably would have crossed each other's paths, and still become friends.

During my time there, I have learned many lessons in the Lord's timing, I've seen people make themselves into better people, and I've seen people accept others, including their flaws.  As one ward member said in his testimony before getting married "Look for the wondrous miracles in our lives, because I see them every day!"  I've learned much, gained greatly, and even become a little less of a misfit during my time there.  Just because I'm no longer a member of the Misfit 1st Ward doesn't mean that I'm not going completely disappear -- I'll still attend the occasional activity.

May the Lord bless and keep all my friends in the Misfit 1st Ward, and may He continue to shine his countenance upon you.

Friday, May 03, 2013

Stuck in a rut

I joined the Ward of Misfit Toys about two years ago.  I've made some great changes in my life since then, especially in the last 4 months.

On Easter, or Bishop gave a great talk in a combined Priesthood/Relief Society meeting.  In it, he talked about how many of us are stuck in a rut in our lives.

Already in 2013, I've started a new job, bought a car, and moved out of Salt Lake County for the first time in my life (except my mission).  Yet, his words still strike home.

Yes, I know that I'm in a dating rut.  Maybe I should just do the opposite of everything I've been doing (which isn't much -- but the job, car, and move are helping some of that), but something else needs to change.

Technically, I've moved out of my ward boundaries.  Then again, the isn't technically a Misfit Toys Ward to join in Davis County.  I have several options:

1) Stay in the ward I'm in now.  I mentioned to my Bishop at FHE that I've moved to Farmington.  His response? "I'll pretend I didn't hear that."  He then laughed when someone else said that I said I liked farming .. a ton.  I love my Bishop.  I also love the people in the ward.  Yet I feel like maybe they represent the "old" me, that I need to move on, and that I have served the Lord's purposes in being there.  I'd probably still attend activities, but we'll see.

2) Attend another Ward of Misfit Toys.  There is a ward that accepts Davis County residents.  However, I seem to have a stupor of thought when it comes to attending this ward.  I'll probably still check it out one of these weeks.

3) Attend the local family ward.  6 months ago, this was in no way an option for me.  However, this is a very distinct possibility -- there is a Davis County midsingles group that has a lot of activities, so I would still get some social aspects.  Plus, it means I don't have to drive to Salt Lake to church.

So, those are the options.  It is a matter of prayer and fasting.

In any case, I plan to update this blog much more often.

Wednesday, August 08, 2012

My Best Friend's Wedding -- It's About Timing

Several weeks ago, I had the opportunity to watch my best friend get married for time and eternity at the Salt Lake Temple.  I was going to write the story of how they met, but that's a different story for a different time. However, I wanted to write about what I learned from the experience.

1) Be yourself.  My friend was often self-conscious around women, never acting like himself.  It's a problem I, myself have.  I know that in my case, it's because I want women to see I have a serious side.  However, my friend decided when we started attending the Ward of Misfit Toys that he was giving up on finding a wife.  I saw a very different public side of him, and that is what first drew his wife to him.

2) Don't over analyze things.  There were multiple times when they were first going out that he would tell me he had done something wrong and that she probably wouldn't ever talk to him again.  And then she'd come up to talk to him at church.

3) At the Temple for a wedding/sealing, the sealer takes time to talk to all of the family and friends in the room.  I wish there was a point during regular temple sessions that someone would just share a random insight with the attendees.  It seems like this insight is always as much for me as anyone else.

4) The insight from the sealer was that when we go to the temple, we always think about the work we are doing for the dead.  However, we also need to remember to be there for ourselves.  A good reminder.

Tuesday, August 16, 2011

Hanging Out vs Dating

Back in 2005, Elder Dallin H Oaks spoke at a CES Fireside. Part of his talk centered on the topic of dating vs hanging out. An excerpt of this section of the address was printed in the June 2006 Ensign and can be found here.

Just after he gave this talk, I saw incidents of "hanging out" drop to near zero. However, Elder Oaks didn't say "don't hang out."

In fact, there was a column in the Deseret News this week titled "Hanging out, hooking up — why not date?" that implied that hanging out was wrong. However, I'm of the opinion that never hanging out is a bad idea.

Let's look at what Elder Oaks said:

An occasional group activity is OK, but when you see men who make hanging out their primary interaction with the opposite sex, I think you should lock the pantry and bolt the front door.

Yes, it is OK to get a group together. However, don't let it be an every weekend type of thing.

I know a group of women who do hang out every weekend. However, they do it without any men present (because they don't invite men). In fact, I have known several guys who have asked out girls from this group but have been turned down in favor of these "Girl's Nights Out." And then these women wonder why they aren't married.

So, get those (co-ed) groups together. When you get invited to a function, it's better than sitting at home doing nothing on a Friday or Saturday night. It's a great opportunity to meet other people, and who knows what it will lead to.

Outside of Church, I don't have many opportunities to meet other Single Mormons. Hanging out with friends (and their friends) is a great way to meet new people.

Oh, and I'd like to close with something else Elder Oaks had to say:

And, young women, please make it easier for these shy males to ask for a simple, inexpensive date. Part of making it easier is to avoid implying that a date is something very serious. If we are to persuade young men to ask for dates more frequently, we must establish a mutual expectation that to go on a date is not to imply a continuing commitment. Finally, young women, if you turn down a date, be kind. Otherwise you may crush a nervous and shy questioner and destroy him as a potential dater, and that could hurt some other sister.

It's an invite for a date, not a proposal of marriage.


Wednesday, May 18, 2011

Quoting Seinfeld in Sacrament Meeting

So, you're asked to give a Sacrament Meeting talk on Mother's Day in your Midsingles Ward, and the only topic you are given is to talk about something related to Mother's Day. So What do you speak on?

Finding the Mother of Your Future Children. Yep.

And, it was a classic. It started with a quote from National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation and then a few minutes later threw in a Spiderman reference. However, the part that took the cake was when he quoted the TV show Seinfeld.

I take that back. He didn't just read a quote from Seinfeld -- he recited part of a scene. What he quoted is this:

You may need to watch the whole scene to get it all, but it's pretty funny.

Anyway, I digress. I was going to make fun of this "Gospel according to Seinfeld" talk, but then I realized something.

"If every instinct you have is wrong, the opposite would have to be right."

I'm too much like "normal George." I need to be more like "opposite George."

Or, more specifically, Opposite Bob.

I'll let you know how it goes.

Monday, May 16, 2011

Welcome to the Ward of Misfit Toys

So,I had this old attempt at a dating blog sitting around with 53 posts, the last one over a year ago. So, when a good friend suggested I turn my adventures in my new ward into a blog, I knew what I had to do -- transform this one.

So, what is my new ward, and why would it's stories make a good blog?

A few months ago, I turned 32. That meant that I had blown right past being a "Young Single Adult" (Yeah,I know that I really blew past it when I turned 31. Humor me a little). That meant it was time to leave my YSA Ward. I had two choices of where to go -- a "Family" Ward or a "Midsingles (31-45)" Ward.

After much prayer, I decided to attend the Midsingles Ward. A friend had tried it last summer, and had dubbed it the "Ward of Misfit Toys." The first week I attended the ward, I looked around and thought he was right. And then someone came and invited me over to his house to play Dungeons and Dragons, and I knew I was in the wrong place.

However, on the drive home, I realized that I, too, was a misfit toy. And, let's face it, if you are single Mormon over the age of 31, you, too, are a misfit toy to some degree.

And in the following weeks of trying out the ward, I realized that one major benefit of being in a Ward of Misfit toys is that they follow what I like to call the "Mr Rogers Principle" -- they like you just the way you are.

More than that, they are free to be themselves. And that makes the ward awesome. And funny.

So, I will not post things on here to offend or to make fun of anybody. However, I will find humor in my learning moments, and hope that the things you read here can not only bring joy into your life, but can also help you grow.


Thursday, February 11, 2010

The Meaning of Roses

Well, Valentine's Day is coming up soon. And many of us will head out and buy roses (or other flowers) for our significant (or we-hope-she-could-be-significant) other.

However, many of you might be surprised to know that there are many different colors of roses out there. Proceed with caution, because while a rose may look nice, it may be sending an unintended message. Also, if you send the right message, and relay to that special lady that you know the meaning of that color rose, you will impress her twice over. So, with that, let's look at the varieties of roses and their meanings:


Red roses signify love. Deep love. The "I want to move further in our relationship" type of love. Definitely do not send red roses to someone in the "friend zone" lest ye scare her off. Unless you REALLY want to make a giant leap of faith (more on that in a later post). However, if you are making that giant leap of faith, go with something a different color.


Grace, elegance, sweetness, poetic romance, gratitude, appreciation, gentleness, admiration, and refinement are all adjectives associated with pink roses. Pink roses are also a good way to say "I'm deeply in like with you." A definite go if your relationship is in the "in between" window. Also good for that "Giant leap of faith" I spoke about earlier.


Yellow is a color of joy. Yellow roses are to be sent to a friend who needs a little cheering up. Send yellow roses to just about anyone, except maybe someone to whom red roses may be more appropriate. You don't want to derail that train.....


Purity, innocence, unity, virtue, honor, reverence, hope: Those are the reasons why the white rose is often called the Bridal Rose. Stay away unless you are ready to take her to the Temple.


Orange roses are tricky. One one hand, orange being a mixture of yellow and red, they could mean the desire to transform the relationship from one of friendship to one of love. On the other hand, orange roses can symbolize the heat of passion, burning desire and the flames of love. So, if you want the "transitional" meaning, be prepared for her to possibly get the second meaning.


Lavender roses convey a meaning of enchantment or love at first sight. The color purple has also signified royalty for centuries.


So, if you want to, feel free to mix and match some colors. For instance, a mixture of red and yellow could say "I'm in love with my best friend." Red and white would make a great proposal bouquet. The possibilities are limitless.


(source: Pro Flowers)

Thursday, January 07, 2010

Words to live by

I was listening to the radio and a DJ said this in response to single people complaining about being sing "What do you got excited going on in your life that someone else might be exciting?" he suggested do something you like; Go Traveling, Find Hobby, Try running, Try playing a Guitar, do SOMETHING!

Words to live by. So if you're not happy being Single DO SOMETHING! if you don't find your "Mr./Mrs. Right" from your actives, then you'll at least be doing something you enjoy and productive.

Enjoy yourselves and have fun. -Sean

Tuesday, January 05, 2010

Greetings; i was wondering how to introduce my self and add to the blog then I found this and i belive it sums up EVERYTHING. hope you enjoy. -Sean