Men lose their minds speaking to pretty women

I knew it!

The research shows men who spend even a few minutes in the company of an attractive woman perform less well in tests designed to measure brain function than those who chat to someone they do not find attractive.

Researchers who carried out the study, published in the Journal of Experimental and Social Psychology, think the reason may be that men use up so much of their brain function or 'cognitive resources' trying to impress beautiful women, they have little left for other tasks.

The findings have implications for the performance of men who flirt with women in the workplace, or even exam results in mixed-sex schools.

Women, however, were not affected by chatting to a handsome man.

Read more about the study here.

Back in the game

I've been thinking of getting this blog going again for a while. Then, there was motivation to start posting again. Motivation times two.

The first motivation is the fact that I've jumped back into the dating game again. The second motivation is that, well, I'm jumping back into the dating game again.

But, more on that in another post.

However, I really want to have this blog be what I wanted it to be when I first started talking about it in late 2005 -- a blog written by several different (semi) regular writers about our dating lives, where we help each other learn the mysteries of man.

However, I can't go this alone. My cofounder (and only contributor) Shaun got married a year ago. I'll keep him on as a special adviser/"expert" if he wants to stick around. (yes, normal people would ask first, but I'm not normal people.

So, I need some writers. Some ground rules:

1. All posts and comments will be rated PG at the worst. Remember, this is a (future) family blog.

2. All posters will have a free link to any other blogs they contribute to.

3. All posters will be fully honest with the readers. All experiences and feelings will be true.

4. To respect the identity of anyone whom we might date, all names and other identification will be changed. (you can set it up so that you can delay when things will get posted. I plan delaying my date-specific posts.)

So, if you would like to be a writer around these parts, email me at mysteries@bobaagard.com

-Bob

Marry the right person

"You have an important responsibility in choosing not only whom you will date but also whom you will marry. President Gordon B. Hinckley admonished: 'Your chances for a happy and lasting marriage will be far greater if you will date those who are active and faithful in the Church' ("Four B's for Boys," Ensign, Nov. 1981, 41). "Elder Bruce R. McConkie (1915–85) counseled: 'The most important single thing that any Latter-day Saint ever does in this world is to marry the right person, in the right place, by the right authority' ("Agency or Inspiration?" New Era, Jan. 1975, 38)."

Thomas S. Monson, "Whom Shall I Marry?" New Era, Oct. 2004, 4, 6

Pick up lines that work

When I was working at EFY last summer, some of my boys created a list of pick up lines for me to use. I'll have to share the list with you sometime. It was really good.

Anyway, Someone sent me this article on the best way to approach someone of the opposite gender. Read it and then share your thoughts.

Forget shy smiles and pointed small talk - the way to a man's heart is by giving him no room to misunderstand your intentions.

Men favour a direct, no-nonsense approach when being chatted up by women, according to research.

A study found that simple lines, such as 'Fancy dinner?' or 'Can I give you my number?' avoid confusion and thus have more success.

The researchers, from Bucknell University in Pennsylvania, said that men find it hard to 'read' hints, even if they are accompanied by flirty body language.

The scientists asked a group of women for their top chat-up lines.

They took the 50 most common answers and asked 70 men and women how well they thought they would work.

Men found a direct approach, such as an invitation to dinner or the cinema, the most appealing.

Exchanges of phone numbers scored next best with the male volunteers, followed by indirect invitations, including 'Do you have plans later?' and 'What are you up to tonight?'

The women also rated the direct approach the most highly - but were also impressed with those lines which were designed to pin down common interests.

Supposedly humorous lines, such as 'Your shirt matches my bedspread - you belong in my bed', fared poorly, the journal Personality and Individual Differences reported.

But absolutely bottom of the pack were smiles and openers such as 'You look familiar. Have I met you before?'

Psychologist Dr Joel Wade said: 'The direct indication of a possible date as well as the hint of a possible date gives the man a clear signal - instead of sending mixed non-verbal signals that the man must decipher.'

He added that straightforward suggestions removed any 'uncertainty regarding the outcome of the interaction'.

However, any woman looking for long-term love might want to think twice about offering her phone number to strange men - because they might view her as more interested in a fling.

Surprisingly, for men looking to chat up women, talking about the weather seems to be a surefire hit.

An earlier study found that the line 'It's hot today, isn't it? It's the best weather when you're training for a marathon', is the perfect way for a man to show off his intelligence and athletic prowess.

The worst line for men was 'I was wondering if you had space in your bag for my Mercedes keys?'

Mysteries

Enjoyable Dates

I've been thinking recently about Shauns last few posts, and about my own dating situation.

It seems like, instead of asking a girl on a date and then planning to do something that she might enjoy, why not plan to do something you enjoy doing, then invite a girl to join you in the activity?

-Bob

My first mistake...

I think I know one of the things I've been doing wrong. Instead of starting out by thinking about what might be fun to generally do, I have been thinking about what "other people" do on "normal" dates.

First, what do I care what other people do for fun? With my dates I've been taking a high school like attitude which results in doing things the way most other people do, despite getting bad results.

Secondly, who am I to let someone else define what this mythical "normal" is? For shame!!! It is a foolish thing that I have looked outside of myself to determine what I should do.

No, I must move forward. I must put down old attitudes and habits. I must also better define the separation of my work from the rest of my life. If I do not, work will continue to negatively impact many friendships I enjoy presently. Which thing, I believe, has contributed to not enjoying dates much recently.

I think I've got a problem

I went on a date tonight. It was OK, but not great. Though, I think I'm the reason why it didn't go much better than OK.

I'm so very not enthused about dating in general that when I'm on a date I just can't get into it. I think I've also gotten into the habit of not making myself mentally available.

Somewhere I learned that showing interest is a bad thing. From that I transitioned to acting disinterested so as to not show too much interest. Now I'm becoming legitimately disinterested in the dating process even when I want to try going out with someone.

This all adds up to trouble, and I've got to do something about it.

If I don't change anything then Earnest (jack) in the importance of being earnest said it best, "Then a passionate celibacy is all that any of us can look forward to".

I'm going to try again. I'm also going to try my best to be a better date next time. Wish me luck...

Regulation dates

It seems that all I seem to be going on are regulation dates ending in regulation disappointment. It's a phrase that comes from the episode of Futurama where fry dates a bureaucrat.

I think the biggest problem is that I'm just not really into it. I'm coming to expect that dates will go poorly and I'm just not really willing to put the effort into it. It doesn't help that with 4 out of 5 it is my own disinterest that causes me not to try for a second date.

Suffice it to say that dating is hard. There are a lot of people that I don't match very well at all, and it's just so much easier to not go out and spend time doing things I enjoy instead.

The only trouble is that I feel like I'm missing something. Something that has just enough power to make me go on more dates, even though I'm not really enjoying it.

Couple Programmers?

Someone sent the following to our ward e-mail list:

"The company I work for is looking for couple
programmers."

That's why I'm still single. I haven't been programmed properly yet....

-Bob