Shyness Sucks

I've been working an unusual job this summer. I have opted to not disclose the location until the end of the summer. However, I met someone really cool while I was there. I tracked down her email address and sent her the following email. I have edited some parts out....

N.-

This feels really, really weird to do. If this email creeps you out and you think I'm a stalker or something, go ahead and delete it. I promise you that unless I hear back from you, this will be the last you hear from me. Stalkers don't make those promises. :)

Now, to the meat of my email. Last Saturday at breakfast, your co-[worker] (her name slips my mind) came and sat next to me. We chatted for a moment with some other counselors, then she hit me with the question.

"Do you like N.?"

And then the follow-up:

"If you like her, why didn't you talk to her?"

Thoughts raised by these questions have rolled around in my head for the past five days. And, well, I'd like to share my honest answers and thoughts with you.

As far as the first question goes, the answer on Saturday was "yes." When you first came and sat down next to me [on] Sunday and introduced yourself, my first two thoughts were "Dang, she's cute," followed by "I'm going to like [this job]." Call me shallow if you want to, but remember, I'm being honest.

During our limited conversations the next week, my thoughts turned to what a cool woman you are. Kindness radiates around you, and touches those with whom you come in contact with. The more I saw, the more I liked. That leads us to question #2:

"If you like her, why didn't you talk to her?"

The short answer is that I am shy. Especially when it comes to girls I "like.," and telling them that I like them and would like to get to know them better. It's a terrible thing. It ranks fairly high on my list of "reasons Bob is not married yet." Yes, the list does exist. My Bishop made me make it a few years ago. I have overcome most things on my list, and I don't share the list with many people (some of my best friends don't know that the list exists). But I digress.

My shyness is the reason I am writing this instead of calling you. I am much better at the written word than the spoken word. I always feel like less of a dork when I write.

I thought about asking you out as early as Wednesday. However, that little "you'll sound like a dork" kept creeping up on me. I decided that if there was a time that I saw you away from everyone to ask you, it would be easier. That time did not come.

Now, on to what has transpired since that breakfast conversation of Saturday. I had hoped to catch you at the [meeting] that morning, but I didn't. The whole way home, I thought about what I had done, or not done. I decided that I needed to try and find you.

Most people I told about this have told me that I will come across as a stalker. I admit that I sound like a stalker to myself at this point. That's the reason I'm typing this on Thursday and not Monday. I've spent the three days deciding whether jumping off this cliff into stalker-ism was worth it.

Then, about 2:30 this morning, the thought occurred to me: I was sick of living a life of regrets. If I did it, what's the worst that could happen? You would think me a stalker or a dork or something else, and I'd never hear from you again. However, if I didn't write this, Bob [A] would be that strange kid you sat next to at the [job] back in 2007, and I'd never hear from you again.

Well, I've rambled on long enough. I figure that if you are still reading this, you are either enjoying a good laugh at my dorkiness, calling the cops to report me as a stalker, or you're intrigued enough to answer the following question:

Could I have the opportunity to get to know you better, in one way or another?

Again, if you don't reply (or reply and tell me to jump off a cliff....), this is the last you'll hear from me. Because if I kept up the contact, then I'd really be a stalker....

-Bob [A]

I share this with you for a few reasons:

#1: It's been 1.5 months since either Shaun or I posted anything to this blog, which is pretty sad. And, if nothing else, it was a fabulous adventure into the dating world.

#2: I would like to admit that I'm a shy guy. Admitting it is the first step to recovery, I think.

#3: To prove to the two people that read this blog that I am a dork.

Now, you're probably hoping that I got this great reply and that N and I will be riding off into the sunset.

Well, not so much:

Bob,

I'm flattered that you took the time to email me and let me know how you feel. It was nice to talk to you a couple times last week. However, I have been dating someone for a while now who I really like.

I know what you mean about not wanting to live with any regrets and I wish you well in the future!

N.