Hanging Out vs Dating

Back in 2005, Elder Dallin H Oaks spoke at a CES Fireside. Part of his talk centered on the topic of dating vs hanging out. An excerpt of this section of the address was printed in the June 2006 Ensign and can be found here.

Just after he gave this talk, I saw incidents of "hanging out" drop to near zero. However, Elder Oaks didn't say "don't hang out."

In fact, there was a column in the Deseret News this week titled "Hanging out, hooking up — why not date?" that implied that hanging out was wrong. However, I'm of the opinion that never hanging out is a bad idea.

Let's look at what Elder Oaks said:

An occasional group activity is OK, but when you see men who make hanging out their primary interaction with the opposite sex, I think you should lock the pantry and bolt the front door.

Yes, it is OK to get a group together. However, don't let it be an every weekend type of thing.

I know a group of women who do hang out every weekend. However, they do it without any men present (because they don't invite men). In fact, I have known several guys who have asked out girls from this group but have been turned down in favor of these "Girl's Nights Out." And then these women wonder why they aren't married.

So, get those (co-ed) groups together. When you get invited to a function, it's better than sitting at home doing nothing on a Friday or Saturday night. It's a great opportunity to meet other people, and who knows what it will lead to.

Outside of Church, I don't have many opportunities to meet other Single Mormons. Hanging out with friends (and their friends) is a great way to meet new people.

Oh, and I'd like to close with something else Elder Oaks had to say:

And, young women, please make it easier for these shy males to ask for a simple, inexpensive date. Part of making it easier is to avoid implying that a date is something very serious. If we are to persuade young men to ask for dates more frequently, we must establish a mutual expectation that to go on a date is not to imply a continuing commitment. Finally, young women, if you turn down a date, be kind. Otherwise you may crush a nervous and shy questioner and destroy him as a potential dater, and that could hurt some other sister.

It's an invite for a date, not a proposal of marriage.

-Bob

Quoting Seinfeld in Sacrament Meeting

So, you're asked to give a Sacrament Meeting talk on Mother's Day in your Midsingles Ward, and the only topic you are given is to talk about something related to Mother's Day. So What do you speak on?

Finding the Mother of Your Future Children. Yep.

And, it was a classic. It started with a quote from National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation and then a few minutes later threw in a Spiderman reference. However, the part that took the cake was when he quoted the TV show Seinfeld.

I take that back. He didn't just read a quote from Seinfeld -- he recited part of a scene. What he quoted is this:



You may need to watch the whole scene to get it all, but it's pretty funny.

Anyway, I digress. I was going to make fun of this "Gospel according to Seinfeld" talk, but then I realized something.

"If every instinct you have is wrong, the opposite would have to be right."

I'm too much like "normal George." I need to be more like "opposite George."

Or, more specifically, Opposite Bob.

I'll let you know how it goes.

Welcome to the Ward of Misfit Toys

So,I had this old attempt at a dating blog sitting around with 53 posts, the last one over a year ago. So, when a good friend suggested I turn my adventures in my new ward into a blog, I knew what I had to do -- transform this one.

So, what is my new ward, and why would it's stories make a good blog?

A few months ago, I turned 32. That meant that I had blown right past being a "Young Single Adult" (Yeah,I know that I really blew past it when I turned 31. Humor me a little). That meant it was time to leave my YSA Ward. I had two choices of where to go -- a "Family" Ward or a "Midsingles (31-45)" Ward.

After much prayer, I decided to attend the Midsingles Ward. A friend had tried it last summer, and had dubbed it the "Ward of Misfit Toys." The first week I attended the ward, I looked around and thought he was right. And then someone came and invited me over to his house to play Dungeons and Dragons, and I knew I was in the wrong place.

However, on the drive home, I realized that I, too, was a misfit toy. And, let's face it, if you are single Mormon over the age of 31, you, too, are a misfit toy to some degree.

And in the following weeks of trying out the ward, I realized that one major benefit of being in a Ward of Misfit toys is that they follow what I like to call the "Mr Rogers Principle" -- they like you just the way you are.

More than that, they are free to be themselves. And that makes the ward awesome. And funny.

So, I will not post things on here to offend or to make fun of anybody. However, I will find humor in my learning moments, and hope that the things you read here can not only bring joy into your life, but can also help you grow.

-Bob