tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-201625942024-03-07T14:39:13.324-07:00Tales From the Ward of Misfit ToysThe time recently came to leave my comfort zone in a Young Single Adult Ward (because I was no longer "young") and join a "Midsingles" Ward. Or, as a friend termed it "The Ward of Misfit Toys." However, because I, too am a misfit, I am at home.Bobhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04904969537714974512noreply@blogger.comBlogger54125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20162594.post-66958939008592507462013-06-24T19:43:00.001-06:002013-06-24T19:43:45.488-06:00Matchmaker, Make ME A Match?A few weeks ago, the Misfit First Ward held an activity. There is a girl in that ward who bills herself as "Utah's Matchmaker." Honestly, I have no idea how good her services are, but I find this type of thing interesting, because it feels a little like making money off of others' desperation. Then again, I could think of worse things to make money off of.<br />
<br />
But that's not what this post is about. Back to the activity.<br />
<br />
The Matchmaker offered her services to the ward for this activity. People signed up online by filling out a questionnaire, and then the Matchmaker used this to match people up.<br />
<br />
And, we're not talking one match per person. We're talking three matches per person, so that everyone would have three mini-dates by the end of the night.<br />
<br />
I only signed up because I was tired of all the begging for more men to sign up. After all, if we didn't have equal numbers of men and women, there would have to be some polyg-a-dating going on, and that would be a bad thing. Trust me -- my first exposure to speed dating as speed polyg-a-dating. It was bad, very bad. I didn't want to go, but decided after getting nagged that if all else fails, this would help get me out of my rut.<br />
<br />
So, I signed up for the activity, and awaited info on where I was going. I finally got a phone call about what I was supposed to bring, and where to go. That night, we all met at the church. When we got called regarding our food assignment, we also were given a color assignment. There were corresponding colors posted all around the gym (plus people standing by the entrances with lists in case you didn't remember your color). When you found your color, there was someone standing there with nametags and maps showing you whose house you were going to. The nametags had your name plus three other names. You had to find the first name on our tag, and travel to dinner with that person. Once everyone got to dinner, you ate with the middle person, then traveled back to the church and the girl's car with the person on the bottom of your list.<br />
<br />
The first two people I had a date with were O.K. To be fair, I didn't fill out the entire questionnaire, so the Matchmaker didn't have much to go on. During dinner, I went into the kitchen to replenish our drinks, and saw another guy who commented that the girl he was with was definitely NOT a match for him. Well, turns out she was MY date #3, and definitely my best match of the night. We had an enjoyable conversation, and I honestly wish the night could have gone on a little longer, but I had to head to work. Of course, since I have horrible skills, I didn't even ask for a phone number, but I hope to run into her again. Of course, since we're not in the same ward anymore, that might be a little more difficult, but we'll see.<br />
<br />
So, with limited information, the Matchmaker was able to bat 33%. That's actually pretty good if you ask me.<br />
<br />
-BobBobhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04904969537714974512noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20162594.post-46948947385961071472013-06-09T08:30:00.000-06:002013-06-09T08:30:51.884-06:00Every New Beginning Comes From Some Other Beginning's EndThirteen Years ago today, I experienced a big "new beginning" -- the end of my mission. On June 9, 2000, I flew back home from Minneapolis, Minnesota. Since then, June 9 has been a day to reflect on "new beginnings" in my life. Sort of like a second stab at New Year's Day, without the counting down til midnight.<br />
<br />
There have been many "new beginnings" in the past few months -- I started a new job in a totally foreign career, I bought a car by myself for the first time, and I moved to a different county. However, today, I want to reflect on a different "new beginning" currently in progress.<br />
<br />
On that beautiful day 13 years ago, I woke up with zero desire to ever go to a single's ward. However, when I was sitting in the Stake President's office, he challenged me to try the local single's ward for three months. He had an agreement with the bishop of that ward that new missionaries wouldn't get a calling for those three months, so that if the didn't like the ward, they wouldn't feel trapped there at the end of the three months. I took up the challenge, and tried the single's ward.<br />
<br />
Nearly 11 years later, I was still in that single's ward. it was time to move on. I decided to try what my friend had called the Ward of Misfit Toys -- a midsingles ward (cue ominous BOOM BOOM BOOM here). I discovered that there were many misfits in that ward, but also came to realize that I, too, was a misfit. I knew that this was the ward for me.<br />
<br />
That was a little more than two years ago. With my recent move, I was no longer living in that ward's boundaries. Even though the bishop told me that I could stay, since there are many ward members who don't live in the boundaries, I have come to the realization that it is time for me to change to another ward. Yes, the Misfit 2nd Ward.<br />
<br />
I'll miss my time in the Misfit 1st Ward. My best friend (the one who coined the term and only came to the ward with me kicking and screaming) met his wife in the ward. I've made many friends, renewed old friendships, and hope to continue those friendships. I've even met a few people that, if life had happened slightly differently, we probably would have crossed each other's paths, and still become friends.<br />
<br />
During my time there, I have learned many lessons in the Lord's timing, I've seen people make themselves into better people, and I've seen people accept others, including their flaws. As one ward member said in his testimony before getting married "Look for the wondrous miracles in our lives, because I see them every day!" I've learned much, gained greatly, and even become a little less of a misfit during my time there. Just because I'm no longer a member of the Misfit 1st Ward doesn't mean that I'm not going completely disappear -- I'll still attend the occasional activity.<br />
<br />
May the Lord bless and keep all my friends in the Misfit 1st Ward, and may He continue to shine his countenance upon you.Bobhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04904969537714974512noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20162594.post-86998505472483324832013-05-03T14:18:00.001-06:002013-05-03T14:18:30.389-06:00Stuck in a rutI joined the Ward of Misfit Toys about two years ago. I've made some great changes in my life since then, especially in the last 4 months.<br />
<br />
On Easter, or Bishop gave a great talk in a combined Priesthood/Relief Society meeting. In it, he talked about how many of us are stuck in a rut in our lives.<br />
<br />
Already in 2013, I've started a new job, bought a car, and moved out of Salt Lake County for the first time in my life (except my mission). Yet, his words still strike home.<br />
<br />
Yes, I know that I'm in a dating rut. Maybe I should just <a href="http://ldsandsingle.blogspot.com/2011/05/quoting-seinfeld-in-sacrament-meeting.html">do the opposite of everything I've been doing</a> (which isn't much -- but the job, car, and move are helping some of that), but something else needs to change.<br />
<br />
Technically, I've moved out of my ward boundaries. Then again, the isn't technically a Misfit Toys Ward to join in Davis County. I have several options:<br />
<br />
1) Stay in the ward I'm in now. I mentioned to my Bishop at FHE that I've moved to Farmington. His response? "I'll pretend I didn't hear that." He then laughed when someone else said that I said I liked farming .. a ton. I love my Bishop. I also love the people in the ward. Yet I feel like maybe they represent the "old" me, that I need to move on, and that I have served the Lord's purposes in being there. I'd probably still attend activities, but we'll see.<br />
<br />
2) Attend another Ward of Misfit Toys. There is a ward that accepts Davis County residents. However, I seem to have a stupor of thought when it comes to attending this ward. I'll probably still check it out one of these weeks.<br />
<br />
3) Attend the local family ward. 6 months ago, this was in no way an option for me. However, this is a very distinct possibility -- there is a Davis County midsingles group that has a lot of activities, so I would still get some social aspects. Plus, it means I don't have to drive to Salt Lake to church.<br />
<br />
So, those are the options. It is a matter of prayer and fasting.<br />
<br />
In any case, I plan to update this blog much more often.Bobhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04904969537714974512noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20162594.post-29809590470304275932012-08-08T13:28:00.000-06:002012-08-08T13:28:19.253-06:00My Best Friend's Wedding -- It's About TimingSeveral weeks ago, I had the opportunity to watch my best friend get married for time and eternity at the Salt Lake Temple. I was going to write the story of how they met, but that's a different story for a different time. However, I wanted to write about what I learned from the experience.<br />
<br />
1) Be yourself. My friend was often self-conscious around women, never acting like himself. It's a problem I, myself have. I know that in my case, it's because I want women to see I have a serious side. However, my friend decided when we started attending the Ward of Misfit Toys that he was giving up on finding a wife. I saw a very different public side of him, and that is what first drew his wife to him.<br />
<br />
2) Don't over analyze things. There were multiple times when they were first going out that he would tell me he had done something wrong and that she probably wouldn't ever talk to him again. And then she'd come up to talk to him at church.<br />
<br />
3) At the Temple for a wedding/sealing, the sealer takes time to talk to all of the family and friends in the room. I wish there was a point during regular temple sessions that someone would just share a random insight with the attendees. It seems like this insight is always as much for me as anyone else.<br />
<br />
4) The insight from the sealer was that when we go to the temple, we always think about the work we are doing for the dead. However, we also need to remember to be there for ourselves. A good reminder.<br />
<br />
<br />Bobhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04904969537714974512noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20162594.post-57684420002518044262011-08-16T11:25:00.001-06:002011-08-16T11:31:19.413-06:00Hanging Out vs DatingBack in 2005, Elder Dallin H Oaks spoke at a CES Fireside. Part of his talk centered on the topic of dating vs hanging out. An excerpt of this section of the address was printed in the June 2006 Ensign and can be found <a href="http://lds.org/ensign/2006/06/dating-versus-hanging-out?lang=eng">here.</a><br />
<br />
Just after he gave this talk, I saw incidents of "hanging out" drop to near zero. However, Elder Oaks didn't say "don't hang out."<br />
<br />
In fact, there was a column in the Deseret News this week titled "<a href="http://www.deseretnews.com/article/700170781/Hanging-out-hooking-up-2-why-not-date.html?s_cid=fb_share">Hanging out, hooking up — why not date?</a>" that implied that hanging out was wrong. However, I'm of the opinion that never hanging out is a bad idea.<br />
<br />
Let's look at what Elder Oaks said:<br />
<br />
<blockquote>An occasional group activity is OK, but when you see men who make hanging out their primary interaction with the opposite sex, I think you should lock the pantry and bolt the front door.</blockquote><br />
Yes, it is OK to get a group together. However, don't let it be an every weekend type of thing.<br />
<br />
I know a group of women who do hang out every weekend. However, they do it without any men present (because they don't invite men). In fact, I have known several guys who have asked out girls from this group but have been turned down in favor of these "Girl's Nights Out." And then these women wonder why they aren't married.<br />
<br />
So, get those (co-ed) groups together. When you get invited to a function, it's better than sitting at home doing nothing on a Friday or Saturday night. It's a great opportunity to meet other people, and who knows what it will lead to.<br />
<br />
Outside of Church, I don't have many opportunities to meet other Single Mormons. Hanging out with friends (and their friends) is a great way to meet new people.<br />
<br />
Oh, and I'd like to close with something else Elder Oaks had to say:<br />
<br />
<blockquote>And, young women, please make it easier for these shy males to ask for a simple, inexpensive date. Part of making it easier is to avoid implying that a date is something very serious. If we are to persuade young men to ask for dates more frequently, we must establish a mutual expectation that to go on a date is not to imply a continuing commitment. Finally, young women, if you turn down a date, be kind. Otherwise you may crush a nervous and shy questioner and destroy him as a potential dater, and that could hurt some other sister.</blockquote><br />
It's an invite for a date, not a proposal of marriage.<br />
<br />
-BobBobhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04904969537714974512noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20162594.post-9621860508002876522011-05-18T10:27:00.001-06:002011-05-18T10:32:54.546-06:00Quoting Seinfeld in Sacrament MeetingSo, you're asked to give a Sacrament Meeting talk on Mother's Day in your Midsingles Ward, and the only topic you are given is to talk about something related to Mother's Day. So What do you speak on?<br />
<br />
Finding the Mother of Your Future Children. Yep.<br />
<br />
And, it was a classic. It started with a quote from National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation and then a few minutes later threw in a Spiderman reference. However, the part that took the cake was when he quoted the TV show Seinfeld.<br />
<br />
I take that back. He didn't just read a quote from Seinfeld -- he recited part of a scene. What he quoted is this:<br />
<br />
<iframe width="512" height="312" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/RerJWv5vwxc" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe><br />
<br />
You may need to <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cKUvKE3bQlY&feature=related">watch the whole scene</a> to get it all, but it's pretty funny.<br />
<br />
Anyway, I digress. I was going to make fun of this "Gospel according to Seinfeld" talk, but then I realized something.<br />
<br />
"If every instinct you have is wrong, the opposite would have to be right."<br />
<br />
I'm too much like "normal George." I need to be more like "opposite George."<br />
<br />
Or, more specifically, Opposite Bob.<br />
<br />
I'll let you know how it goes.Bobhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04904969537714974512noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20162594.post-78815140264713427862011-05-16T16:31:00.001-06:002011-05-16T16:32:32.267-06:00Welcome to the Ward of Misfit ToysSo,I had this old attempt at a dating blog sitting around with 53 posts, the last one over a year ago. So, when a good friend suggested I turn my adventures in my new ward into a blog, I knew what I had to do -- transform this one.<br />
<br />
So, what is my new ward, and why would it's stories make a good blog?<br />
<br />
A few months ago, I turned 32. That meant that I had blown right past being a "Young Single Adult" (Yeah,I know that I really blew past it when I turned 31. Humor me a little). That meant it was time to leave my YSA Ward. I had two choices of where to go -- a "Family" Ward or a "Midsingles (31-45)" Ward.<br />
<br />
After much prayer, I decided to attend the Midsingles Ward. A friend had tried it last summer, and had dubbed it the "Ward of Misfit Toys." The first week I attended the ward, I looked around and thought he was right. And then someone came and invited me over to his house to play Dungeons and Dragons, and I knew I was in the wrong place.<br />
<br />
However, on the drive home, I realized that I, too, was a misfit toy. And, let's face it, if you are single Mormon over the age of 31, you, too, are a misfit toy to some degree.<br />
<br />
And in the following weeks of trying out the ward, I realized that one major benefit of being in a Ward of Misfit toys is that they follow what I like to call the "Mr Rogers Principle" -- they like you just the way you are.<br />
<br />
More than that, they are free to be themselves. And that makes the ward awesome. And funny.<br />
<br />
So, I will not post things on here to offend or to make fun of anybody. However, I will find humor in my learning moments, and hope that the things you read here can not only bring joy into your life, but can also help you grow.<br />
<br />
-BobBobhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04904969537714974512noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20162594.post-25877661360189820732010-02-11T10:06:00.002-07:002010-02-11T10:53:46.599-07:00The Meaning of RosesWell, Valentine's Day is coming up soon. And many of us will head out and buy roses (or other flowers) for our significant (or we-hope-she-could-be-significant) other.<br /><br />However, many of you might be surprised to know that there are many different colors of roses out there. Proceed with caution, because while a rose may look nice, it may be sending an unintended message. Also, if you send the right message, and relay to that special lady that you know the meaning of that color rose, you will impress her twice over. So, with that, let's look at the varieties of roses and their meanings:<br /><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">Red</span><br /><br />Red roses signify love. Deep love. The "I want to move further in our relationship" type of love. Definitely do not send red roses to someone in the "friend zone" lest ye scare her off. Unless you REALLY want to make a giant leap of faith (more on that in a later post). However, if you are making that giant leap of faith, go with something a different color.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">Pink</span><br /><br />Grace, elegance, sweetness, poetic romance, gratitude, appreciation, gentleness, admiration, and refinement are all adjectives associated with pink roses. Pink roses are also a good way to say "I'm deeply in like with you." A definite go if your relationship is in the "in between" window. Also good for that "Giant leap of faith" I spoke about earlier.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">Yellow</span><br /><br />Yellow is a color of joy. Yellow roses are to be sent to a friend who needs a little cheering up. Send yellow roses to just about anyone, except maybe someone to whom red roses may be more appropriate. You don't want to derail that train.....<br /><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">White</span><br /><br />Purity, innocence, unity, virtue, honor, reverence, hope: Those are the reasons why the white rose is often called the Bridal Rose. Stay away unless you are ready to take her to the Temple.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">Orange</span><br /><br />Orange roses are tricky. One one hand, orange being a mixture of yellow and red, they could mean the desire to transform the relationship from one of friendship to one of love. On the other hand, orange roses can symbolize the heat of passion, burning desire and the flames of love. So, if you want the "transitional" meaning, be prepared for her to possibly get the second meaning.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">Lavender</span><br /><br />Lavender roses convey a meaning of enchantment or love at first sight. The color purple has also signified royalty for centuries. <br /><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">Combos</span><br /><br />So, if you want to, feel free to mix and match some colors. For instance, a mixture of red and yellow could say "I'm in love with my best friend." Red and white would make a great proposal bouquet. The possibilities are limitless.<br /><br />-Bob<br /><br />(source: <a href="http://www.proflowers.com/flowerguide/rosemeanings/default.aspx?ref=organicgglgeneric_pink%2broses">Pro Flowers</a>)Bobhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04904969537714974512noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20162594.post-84504136184415095672010-01-07T12:39:00.005-07:002010-01-07T18:58:20.292-07:00Words to live byI was listening to the radio and a DJ said this in response to single people complaining about being sing "What do you got excited going on in your life that someone else might be exciting?" he suggested do something you like; Go Traveling, Find Hobby, Try running, Try playing a Guitar, do SOMETHING!<br /><br />Words to live by. So if you're not happy being Single DO SOMETHING! if you don't find your "Mr./Mrs. Right" from your actives, then you'll at least be doing something you enjoy and productive. <br /><br />Enjoy yourselves and have fun. -SeanSeanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14540896273350289566noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20162594.post-55804209277499119282010-01-05T14:17:00.003-07:002010-01-05T14:21:18.716-07:00Greetings; i was wondering how to introduce my self and add to the blog then I found this and i belive it sums up EVERYTHING. hope you enjoy. -Sean<br /><br /><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiu3Qhm07rJn35TOLMZNoA8Yf7IAj96V8s71dgBNrqL5rMxYR1yyrhxI-WtJSYdHUnFCUN9AphgsAcYpy9Z7RkNqMfKhaxo8lHhkyluKF2bcL8pAHlvZu0gv8dG3nnklBXduSj7/s1600-h/Bad%2520Date%2520001%5B2%5D"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 400px; height: 266px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiu3Qhm07rJn35TOLMZNoA8Yf7IAj96V8s71dgBNrqL5rMxYR1yyrhxI-WtJSYdHUnFCUN9AphgsAcYpy9Z7RkNqMfKhaxo8lHhkyluKF2bcL8pAHlvZu0gv8dG3nnklBXduSj7/s400/Bad%2520Date%2520001%5B2%5D" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5423368056528527538" /></a>Seanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14540896273350289566noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20162594.post-50451320580624511112010-01-04T23:18:00.003-07:002010-01-04T23:20:54.830-07:00Welcome to a new memberBack when Shawn and I started this blog, it stemmed from some late night conversations between us. Well, I've recently had some similar conversations with another person named Sean, and he has agreed to join the blog. Welcome,Sean! He'll be introducing himself to you soon, and we should be posting more regularly in the near future.<br /><br />Also, if you would like to be a contributer to the blog, drop me an email at mysteries@bobaagard.comBobhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04904969537714974512noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20162594.post-41503950725986959342009-09-10T16:17:00.002-06:002009-09-10T16:21:16.142-06:00Men lose their minds speaking to pretty womenI knew it!<br /><br /><blockquote>The research shows men who spend even a few minutes in the company of an attractive woman perform less well in tests designed to measure brain function than those who chat to someone they do not find attractive.<br /><br />Researchers who carried out the study, published in the Journal of Experimental and Social Psychology, think the reason may be that men use up so much of their brain function or 'cognitive resources' trying to impress beautiful women, they have little left for other tasks.<br /><br />The findings have implications for the performance of men who flirt with women in the workplace, or even exam results in mixed-sex schools.<br /><br />Women, however, were not affected by chatting to a handsome man. </blockquote><br /><br />Read more about the study <a href="http://www.telegraph.co.uk/health/healthnews/6132718/Men-lose-their-minds-speaking-to-pretty-women.html">here</a>.Bobhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04904969537714974512noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20162594.post-84882311615387169392009-08-19T22:23:00.002-06:002009-08-20T00:01:38.062-06:00Back in the gameI've been thinking of getting this blog going again for a while. Then, there was motivation to start posting again. Motivation times two.<br /><br />The first motivation is the fact that I've jumped back into the dating game again. The second motivation is that, well, I'm jumping back into the dating game again.<br /><br />But, more on that in another post.<br /><br />However, I really want to have this blog be what I wanted it to be when I first started talking about it in late 2005 -- a blog written by several different (semi) regular writers about our dating lives, where we help each other learn the mysteries of man.<br /><br />However, I can't go this alone. My cofounder (and only contributor) Shaun got married a year ago. I'll keep him on as a special adviser/"expert" if he wants to stick around. (yes, normal people would ask first, but I'm not normal people.<br /><br />So, I need some writers. Some ground rules:<br /><br />1. All posts and comments will be rated PG at the worst. Remember, this is a (future) family blog.<br /><br />2. All posters will have a free link to any other blogs they contribute to.<br /><br />3. All posters will be fully honest with the readers. All experiences and feelings will be true.<br /><br />4. To respect the identity of anyone whom we might date, all names and other identification will be changed. (you can set it up so that you can delay when things will get posted. I plan delaying my date-specific posts.)<br /><br />So, if you would like to be a writer around these parts, email me at mysteries@bobaagard.com<br /><br />-BobBobhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04904969537714974512noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20162594.post-88720488901209149222009-04-14T12:35:00.000-06:002009-04-14T12:36:23.342-06:00Marry the right person<blockquote>"You have an important responsibility in choosing not only whom you will date but also whom you will marry. President Gordon B. Hinckley admonished: 'Your chances for a happy and lasting marriage will be far greater if you will date those who are active and faithful in the Church' ("Four B's for Boys," Ensign, Nov. 1981, 41). "Elder Bruce R. McConkie (1915–85) counseled: 'The most important single thing that any Latter-day Saint ever does in this world is to marry the right person, in the right place, by the right authority' ("Agency or Inspiration?" New Era, Jan. 1975, 38)."</blockquote><br /><br />Thomas S. Monson, "Whom Shall I Marry?" New Era, Oct. 2004, 4, 6Bobhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04904969537714974512noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20162594.post-12603610381598830672009-04-06T20:27:00.002-06:002009-04-06T20:53:02.195-06:00Pick up lines that workWhen I was working at EFY last summer, some of my boys created a list of pick up lines for me to use. I'll have to share the list with you sometime. It was really good.<br /><br />Anyway, Someone sent me <a href="http://www.dailymail.co.uk/sciencetech/article-1167826/Want-chat-chap-Cut-small-talk-say-scientists.html?ITO=1490">this article</a> on the best way to approach someone of the opposite gender. Read it and then share your thoughts.<br /><br /><blockquote> Forget shy smiles and pointed small talk - the way to a man's heart is by giving him no room to misunderstand your intentions.<br /><br />Men favour a direct, no-nonsense approach when being chatted up by women, according to research.<br /><br />A study found that simple lines, such as 'Fancy dinner?' or 'Can I give you my number?' avoid confusion and thus have more success. <br /><br />The researchers, from Bucknell University in Pennsylvania, said that men find it hard to 'read' hints, even if they are accompanied by flirty body language.<br /><br />The scientists asked a group of women for their top chat-up lines.<br /><br />They took the 50 most common answers and asked 70 men and women how well they thought they would work.<br /><br />Men found a direct approach, such as an invitation to dinner or the cinema, the most appealing.<br /><br />Exchanges of phone numbers scored next best with the male volunteers, followed by indirect invitations, including 'Do you have plans later?' and 'What are you up to tonight?'<br /><br />The women also rated the direct approach the most highly - but were also impressed with those lines which were designed to pin down common interests.<br /><br />Supposedly humorous lines, such as 'Your shirt matches my bedspread - you belong in my bed', fared poorly, the journal Personality and Individual Differences reported. <br /><br />But absolutely bottom of the pack were smiles and openers such as 'You look familiar. Have I met you before?'<br /><br />Psychologist Dr Joel Wade said: 'The direct indication of a possible date as well as the hint of a possible date gives the man a clear signal - instead of sending mixed non-verbal signals that the man must decipher.'<br /><br />He added that straightforward suggestions removed any 'uncertainty regarding the outcome of the interaction'. <br /><br />However, any woman looking for long-term love might want to think twice about offering her phone number to strange men - because they might view her as more interested in a fling. <br /><br />Surprisingly, for men looking to chat up women, talking about the weather seems to be a surefire hit.<br /><br />An earlier study found that the line 'It's hot today, isn't it? It's the best weather when you're training for a marathon', is the perfect way for a man to show off his intelligence and athletic prowess.<br /><br />The worst line for men was 'I was wondering if you had space in your bag for my Mercedes keys?'</blockquote>Bobhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04904969537714974512noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20162594.post-16060769729225859022008-01-06T15:33:00.001-07:002008-01-06T15:33:37.087-07:00Mysteries<object width="425" height="355"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/EA0ziLh7y78&rel=1"></param><param name="wmode" value="transparent"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/EA0ziLh7y78&rel=1" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" wmode="transparent" width="425" height="355"></embed></object>Bobhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04904969537714974512noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20162594.post-74810930923696777342007-08-29T11:05:00.000-06:002007-08-29T11:17:25.479-06:00Enjoyable DatesI've been thinking recently about Shauns last few posts, and about my own dating situation.<br /><br />It seems like, instead of asking a girl on a date and then planning to do something that she might enjoy, why not plan to do something you enjoy doing, then invite a girl to join you in the activity?<br /><br />-BobBobhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04904969537714974512noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20162594.post-42069169518106034852007-08-18T23:42:00.000-06:002007-08-19T00:01:24.596-06:00My first mistake...I think I know one of the things I've been doing wrong. Instead of starting out by thinking about what might be fun to generally do, I have been thinking about what "other people" do on "normal" dates. <br /><br />First, what do I care what other people do for fun? With my dates I've been taking a high school like attitude which results in doing things the way most other people do, despite getting bad results.<br /><br />Secondly, who am I to let someone else define what this mythical "normal" is? For shame!!! It is a foolish thing that I have looked outside of myself to determine what I should do. <br /><br />No, I must move forward. I must put down old attitudes and habits. I must also better define the separation of my work from the rest of my life. If I do not, work will continue to negatively impact many friendships I enjoy presently. Which thing, I believe, has contributed to not enjoying dates much recently.Shaunhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06606969068980659173noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20162594.post-26266563792566158292007-08-16T22:12:00.000-06:002007-08-16T22:32:31.485-06:00I think I've got a problemI went on a date tonight. It was OK, but not great. Though, I think I'm the reason why it didn't go much better than OK. <br /><br />I'm so very not enthused about dating in general that when I'm on a date I just can't get into it. I think I've also gotten into the habit of not making myself mentally available. <br /><br />Somewhere I learned that showing interest is a bad thing. From that I transitioned to acting disinterested so as to not show too much interest. Now I'm becoming legitimately disinterested in the dating process even when I want to try going out with someone.<br /><br />This all adds up to trouble, and I've got to do something about it.<br /><br />If I don't change anything then Earnest (jack) in the importance of being earnest said it best, "Then a passionate celibacy is all that any of us can look forward to".<br /><br />I'm going to try again. I'm also going to try my best to be a better date next time. Wish me luck...Shaunhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06606969068980659173noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20162594.post-27646415825614894122007-08-04T22:17:00.000-06:002007-08-04T22:28:15.456-06:00Regulation datesIt seems that all I seem to be going on are regulation dates ending in regulation disappointment. It's a phrase that comes from the episode of Futurama where fry dates a bureaucrat. <br /><br />I think the biggest problem is that I'm just not really into it. I'm coming to expect that dates will go poorly and I'm just not really willing to put the effort into it. It doesn't help that with 4 out of 5 it is my own disinterest that causes me not to try for a second date.<br /><br />Suffice it to say that dating is hard. There are a lot of people that I don't match very well at all, and it's just so much easier to not go out and spend time doing things I enjoy instead.<br /><br />The only trouble is that I feel like I'm missing something. Something that has just enough power to make me go on more dates, even though I'm not really enjoying it.Shaunhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06606969068980659173noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20162594.post-16044809829749825452007-07-23T17:28:00.000-06:002007-07-23T17:30:50.507-06:00Couple Programmers?Someone sent the following to our ward e-mail list:<br /><br />"The company I work for is looking for couple<br />programmers."<br /><br />That's why I'm still single. I haven't been programmed properly yet....<br /><br />-BobBobhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04904969537714974512noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20162594.post-48831485942560924042007-06-26T15:24:00.000-06:002007-06-26T15:36:37.969-06:00Shyness SucksI've been working an unusual job this summer. I have opted to not disclose the location until the end of the summer. However, I met someone really cool while I was there. I tracked down her email address and sent her the following email. I have edited some parts out....<br /><br /><blockquote>N.-<br /> <br />This feels really, really weird to do. If this email creeps you out and you think I'm a stalker or something, go ahead and delete it. I promise you that unless I hear back from you, this will be the last you hear from me. Stalkers don't make those promises. :)<br /> <br />Now, to the meat of my email. Last Saturday at breakfast, your co-[worker] (her name slips my mind) came and sat next to me. We chatted for a moment with some other counselors, then she hit me with the question. <br /> <br />"Do you like N.?"<br /> <br />And then the follow-up:<br /> <br />"If you like her, why didn't you talk to her?"<br /> <br />Thoughts raised by these questions have rolled around in my head for the past five days. And, well, I'd like to share my honest answers and thoughts with you.<br /> <br />As far as the first question goes, the answer on Saturday was "yes." When you first came and sat down next to me [on] Sunday and introduced yourself, my first two thoughts were "Dang, she's cute," followed by "I'm going to like [this job]." Call me shallow if you want to, but remember, I'm being honest.<br /> <br />During our limited conversations the next week, my thoughts turned to what a cool woman you are. Kindness radiates around you, and touches those with whom you come in contact with. The more I saw, the more I liked. That leads us to question #2:<br /> <br />"If you like her, why didn't you talk to her?"<br /> <br />The short answer is that I am shy. Especially when it comes to girls I "like.," and telling them that I like them and would like to get to know them better. It's a terrible thing. It ranks fairly high on my list of "reasons Bob is not married yet." Yes, the list does exist. My Bishop made me make it a few years ago. I have overcome most things on my list, and I don't share the list with many people (some of my best friends don't know that the list exists). But I digress.<br /> <br />My shyness is the reason I am writing this instead of calling you. I am much better at the written word than the spoken word. I always feel like less of a dork when I write.<br /> <br />I thought about asking you out as early as Wednesday. However, that little "you'll sound like a dork" kept creeping up on me. I decided that if there was a time that I saw you away from everyone to ask you, it would be easier. That time did not come.<br /> <br />Now, on to what has transpired since that breakfast conversation of Saturday. I had hoped to catch you at the [meeting] that morning, but I didn't. The whole way home, I thought about what I had done, or not done. I decided that I needed to try and find you.<br /> <br />Most people I told about this have told me that I will come across as a stalker. I admit that I sound like a stalker to myself at this point. That's the reason I'm typing this on Thursday and not Monday. I've spent the three days deciding whether jumping off this cliff into stalker-ism was worth it.<br /> <br />Then, about 2:30 this morning, the thought occurred to me: I was sick of living a life of regrets. If I did it, what's the worst that could happen? You would think me a stalker or a dork or something else, and I'd never hear from you again. However, if I didn't write this, Bob [A] would be that strange kid you sat next to at the [job] back in 2007, and I'd never hear from you again.<br /> <br />Well, I've rambled on long enough. I figure that if you are still reading this, you are either enjoying a good laugh at my dorkiness, calling the cops to report me as a stalker, or you're intrigued enough to answer the following question:<br /> <br />Could I have the opportunity to get to know you better, in one way or another?<br /> <br />Again, if you don't reply (or reply and tell me to jump off a cliff....), this is the last you'll hear from me. Because if I kept up the contact, then I'd really be a stalker....<br /> <br />-Bob [A]</blockquote><br /><br />I share this with you for a few reasons:<br /><br />#1: It's been 1.5 months since either Shaun or I posted anything to this blog, which is pretty sad. And, if nothing else, it was a fabulous adventure into the dating world.<br /><br />#2: I would like to admit that I'm a shy guy. Admitting it is the first step to recovery, I think.<br /><br />#3: To prove to the two people that read this blog that I am a dork.<br /><br />Now, you're probably hoping that I got this great reply and that N and I will be riding off into the sunset.<br /><br />Well, not so much:<br /><br /><blockquote>Bob,<br /> <br />I'm flattered that you took the time to email me and let me know how you feel. It was nice to talk to you a couple times last week. However, I have been dating someone for a while now who I really like. <br /> <br />I know what you mean about not wanting to live with any regrets and I wish you well in the future!<br /> <br />N.</blockquote>Bobhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04904969537714974512noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20162594.post-34910645571213008162007-05-10T23:40:00.000-06:002007-05-10T23:58:33.118-06:00Holding backToday I got the distinct impression that one of the big problems these days is that everyone holds back. <br /><br />I hold back when someone shows interest and I'm not that interested. I keep talking to others and I keep seeing them hold back. <br /><br />I'm not making it for going on a date this week. Tomorrow is the end of the 7 days I declared and I have gone on no date. When I want to ask someone new out, I hold back, lest I scare them off. <br /><br />Last week I tried asking someone out and she declared herself busy all this week. This resulted in the general cooling I notice from many of the women I try to ask out. Holding back...<br /><br />When I meet new people I find I have little to say to make conversation. So I say nothing. Holding back...<br /><br />I think the next thing I need to work on is not holding back. I can't expect others to improve on this until I stop holding back.<br /><br />ShaunShaunhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06606969068980659173noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20162594.post-41130192615637851852007-05-08T19:22:00.000-06:002007-05-08T19:27:00.660-06:00Not looking goodA few days I said I would <a href="http://ldsandsingle.blogspot.com/2007/05/non-dating-adventures-is-right.html">go on a date</a> within 7 days. The first attempt failed with a one week deferral. Said deferral may become permanent anyway so I have still been looking for another date.<br /><br />I'm not sure what my problem is, but I just don't think I'm making good use of my time when it comes to meeting people. I went to ward prayer Sunday night and didn't even meet anyone new.<br /><br />We'll see how I do tonight, but it's just not looking so good for me making it on a date this week.<br /><br />It doesn't help that I'm not super motivated.<br /><br />ShaunShaunhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06606969068980659173noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20162594.post-38984962127638867142007-05-05T09:34:00.000-06:002007-05-05T09:40:33.025-06:00Dating game theoryThis week I decided to bring in <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/John_Forbes_Nash">Dr. Nash</a> an expert in game theory.<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://www.xkcd.com/c182.html"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 740px; height: 271px;" src="http://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/nash.png" alt="" border="0" /></a>Shaunhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06606969068980659173noreply@blogger.com0