Some Good Advice

The following was posted as advice on a friend's MySpace page.

As we grow up, we learn that even the one person that wasn't supposed to ever let you down probably will.

You will have your heart broken probably more than once and it's harder every time. You'll break hearts too, so remember how it felt when yours was broken.

You'll fight with your best friend.

You'll blame a new love for things an old one did.

You'll cry because time is passing too fast, and you'll eventually lose someone you LOVE♥.

So take too many pictures, laugh too much, and love like you've
never been hurt because every sixty seconds you spend upset is a minute of happiness you'll NEVER get back.

*Don't be afraid that your life will end,
be afraid that it will never begin.

Determining interest

The topic of trying to figure out if a girl is interested has come up recently. In response to Bob's previous post I have the following to suggest...

Time spent wondering if someone likes you is time wasted.
-- Byron (paraphrase)

Ask and you either, A- find out she likes you too, or B- find out she's not interested and are thus free to get moving on finding someone who is interested.

If a girl isn't interested nothing will magicly change about that. You don't have agonize over it for long periods of time leaving yourself emotionally messed up when you finally do come to a conclusion.

Besides, you will never be in a proper relationship with someone unless you talk about what it is you are doing. Believe me, I definitely wish DTR only stood for Data Transmit Ready, but such is not the case...

I'm going to do it

OK, this is it. I'm going to jump off the proverbial bridge.

No more games. Feelings are going to be expressed. It is time.

No talking me down off the bridge.

.....

In fact, someone push me off the bridge, please. Just writing this ties my stomache in knots.

-Bob

Quarterly Dating

Until recently I've been doing "Quarterly Dating". Quarterly dating is where you meet someone and think, "She seems nice... I should call her sometime this quarter." I can't say it's terribly effective.

Recently however, I managed to go on a date that went well enough to result in a second one.

Tomorrow I have another date lined up with her. Go me.

Shaun

Still trying to figure things out

It's been a while since Shaun and I have posted, but it''s time to crank this thing up again.

So, there's this girl we'll call "Operation Bus Tour."

We had several "moments" together on a ward camping trip in August. Just after the trip, I asked her out.

Well, I left several messages on her voice mail. She eventually left me a voice mail letting me know sometime in the future would work better for her.

So, I asked her out again. Actually, I left her annother voice mail. I called on Tuesday to go to a baseball game on Saturday. She talked to me at ward prayer on Sunday.

Then, she went on full ignore mode. Well, I shouldn't say that completely, but after an activity where I could tell she was avoiding talking to me, I didn't see her a month. I decided to drop any idea of asking her out again.

Then, I ran into her at a party. We talked, we laughed, we had fun. I walked her back to her appartment.

But, then Monday Night happened. Our ward had a hoedown. She and I had dinner together. Then, we danced together (she asked me). We went outside to cool off and talk.

I'm so confused as to where she stands.

How can I ask her?

-Bob

Frustration

I was talking recently with a young woman who was having frustration with the lack of dating going on in her life.

However, I think I have found part of the problem.

You see, it seems like the Relief Society in our singles ward is doing something every night. And if it isn't them, it's a ward hike. Or Institute, or Ward Temple Night.

And somewhere in there, we are supposed to date?

-Bob

I need to know

It is sometimes hard to read signals from people of the opposite sex.

This girl that I have been out with was at the same function as me last night. I was getting some fairly negative signals.

Then, when we were together in annother social setting today, I was getting some serious positive signals.

What gives?

-Bob

Rocky Mountain Raceways

Can I just say that RMR, while a fun place to go in general, does not translate into a good place for a first date.

It's too loud for conversation.

-Bob

Regrets

Clear back last December, I went on a date with someone we'll call "Operation Independence." We had fun, an enjoyable time. But then something happened.

I never called her for a second date.

I wanted too, sure. However, I didn't. Time passed, and I forgot about it.

Then, I saw her at work last night. For the entire night, she was all I could think about.

That hasn't happened for a long time. Thinking about what might have been.

Someone's getting a phone call from me.

-Bob

Phonitis

Years ago, I was having a conversation with a female friend of mine who was having guy trouble.

The trouble was that the guy wasn't calling her.

It's a problem that I think may come from genetics. It doesn't matter whether it's calling to ask for a date, calling after a date, or just calling to say hi, we guys seem to have a problem.

It's a problem that frustrates the girls, which then frustrates the guys.

What can be done?

-Bob

Refreshing honesty

Today I was talking to a friend of mine. I told her that I had thought about asking her out and asked whether she would like to do that. She told me that she didn't see it as being much of a good fit.

First off, this is refreshing because I would much prefer that she tell me directly that she doesn't see much of a match. Second, I'm not surprised. However, this is preferable to going out and then having one more person in the world who can no longer be at ease in a conversation with me.

I have maintained and will continue to maintain that I am a very unique individual. The thing that can make that hard is that most people just don't understand me. This makes it hard to relate to those people.

It's nice that I had someone remove herself from the running early. I need to find someone who can appreciate full, undiluted Shaun. I'll look high and low, try the likely and unlikely, or even go to the curious and odd. Eventually I'll find someone who can appreciate the nerd that I am and when I meet that person I'm sure it will raise more questions than it answers and strange things will always be afoot.

Shaun

Dating Moratoriums

Have you ever felt the need to stop dating for a while? I decided to do just that back in November. I decided to start dating again a month ago and just haven't done anything. You can read about it in my Dating Moratorium post in my other blog. I think it has served the purpose I was hoping it would.

I wanted to do a reset on my dating life. The theory is that if you stop trying to date for a while and completely free yourself of thoughts of dating you can spend more time on thinking about whether or not you're in a good position to be dating in the first place. I still had some trouble sticking to my decision to not date. I guess I can stop dating, but never stop finding women interesting.

At this time I'm thinking about asking someone out and I'm actually thinking about things like whether or not this is a good time for her. I'm now able to consider the feelings of the other person involved. Now all I need is to be sensitive to those feelings. I think this is an important step.

Relationships are not meant to fix emotional pain. They can't do that. They are best enjoyed by people who already have their lives worked out enough to be OK on their own.

There's one more key thing I've learned in this. Cultivate friendships in order to prepare for more intimate relationships. It's just a matter of depth. Close relationships can be like swimming in the deep end; it can be a mistake if you don't know what you're doing in the water in the first place.

Shaun

The Shaun Kruger school of life long learning

Ever have a funny thought come to mind at 6:30 in the morning? It happens to me often enough. In fact this one came Sunday morning...

The Shaun Kruger School of Life Long Learning (SKSL3) is now taking applications for students wishing to get their MRS. Classes start every Friday between 6 and 7 PM. The curriculum includes field trips associated with the following classes:

• Dinner 1010
• Dancing 1030
• Family Parties 2010
• Road tripping 2040 (elective)
• Engagement 3060
  

Preferred classes for all students seeking their MRS include:

• Church activities 1020
• Summer recreation 2030
  

On campus housing is not available to undergraduate students. However, free housing is offered to the graduate who accepts a permanent faculty position at SKSL3.

Ok, So I'm a nerd. A nerd accepting applications...

Shaun

27

27 (twenty-seven) is the natural number following 26 and preceding 28. Twenty-seven is the smallest positive integer requiring four syllables to name in English

Twenty-seven is also:

~The atomic number of cobalt.
~The total number of books in the New Testament of the Holy Bible.
~The number of letters in the Spanish alphabet
~The current number of Amendments to the United States Constitution.
~The age in years at which musicians Robert Johnson, Jim Morrison, Jimi Hendrix, Kristen Pfaff, Chris Bell, Brian Jones, Janis Joplin and Kurt Cobain died. Occasionally, this is termed the ideal age to die, and in fact the concept is so famous that it has inspired a brand of clothing, Dead.At.27.
~The code for international direct-dialed phone calls to South Africa.
~"Weird Al" Yankovic hides the number 27 somewhere in many of his songs and videos.
~With the number 37, a key number in comedian Charles Fleischer's concept of moleeds.
~I-27 is the designation for a US interstate highway in Texas.
~US 27 is the designation of a highway from Fort Wayne, Indiana to Miami, Florida.
~The number of completed, numbered piano concertos of Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart
~As of 12:57 this morning, my age, in years.

(source: Wikipedia for all but the last, which is found here at Wikipedia....)

Yes, folks, today is my birhtday. Annother year has come and gone. I didn't really have a tough time with being annother year older, until about a week ago. I suddenly remembered that one of my favorite teachers, Chip Hopkins, turned 27 while I was his student. He gave us a lecture about all the musicians who died at 27. to a 15/16 year old, 27 is, well, old.

It's not so old, anymore.

-Bob

Interested? What's that?

Occasionally I wonder if someone I am talking to is interested in going on a date. I know people like to say things like "Just ask", but lets take a serious look at what goes wrong with this.

First, let me say that it is all too common for people today to equate going a date with having to form some kind of commitment. In fact, Mr Darcy in Pride and Prejudice near the end of chapter 6 observes "A lady's imagination is very rapid; it jumps from admiration to love, from love to matrimony, in a moment." This is often true for both men and women.

Many of us are constantly sizing everyone else up for whether they would be good husbands or wives and never stopping to consider if we have enough information to even consider the matter. We are also experts on what everyone else should be doing. (I think this is because we don't have to worry about any of the feelings involved in living through others.)

What does it mean to be interested? What does it mean to like someone? How does that become love?

If I knew these answers I would probably be actively dating. The trouble is that I find various women I know attractive and find them enjoyable to talk to. I would dare say these are my two basic criteria for wanting to go on a date. If we consider this seriously how much more can we expect to round down before going on a date? Further investigation is the purpose of a date. Last week I was talking to Bob and I said, "Dating seems to be the process of doing due diligence before selecting a permanent roommate".

Before I go on I would like to offer a slight explanation that would help illustrate where some of my trouble on this and other topics comes from. When I came home early off of my mission it was determined that I had Pervasive Developmental Disorder - Not otherwise specified. The best explanation I can offer is that while many people find social interaction something that comes easily I have to make a specific study to figure it out. There was once a time when I couldn't even tell I had done something that bothered others or made them uncomfortable.

By this I will have to assume that "Just Ask" doesn't work because there is still something I'm missing. Then again, I really just see dating as two people trying out for a team. Each one can cut the other at any time. The trick is finding someone who is actually holding try outs.

What's to be done? I am doing pretty well at disregarding whether or not I would like to go on a date with someone. This does two things. I presently ask no one out. I also don't spend any time thinking whether I would like to go on a date with someone while talking to them. In a way this is very liberating and is for now allowing me to have more relaxed easier conversation with the women I know.

I guess I'll keep doing what I'm doing and wait for more mysteries to manifest themselves through patient observation. Until then I guess I'll have to go on some dates so I can continue the process of discovery. Besides, it's only dinner, I was hungry anyway.

Shaun

chick flick redux

(Re-written Monday, February 6)

OK, so on Saturday, I wrote a post. Then when Shaun posted, Mine disappeared for some reason. I don't know why, but I'm poting this back in it's proper slot, in hopes Shaun's doesn't disappear. If it does, I've got a backup.

Well, the post was about how I am a sucker for chick flicks. Yes, I am man enough to admit it. I even admit that I have been known to cry at times.

That being said, some men need to be tricked into seeing chick flicks. So, I found this trailer that maybe you can use to sucker that guy into seeing Sleepless in Seattle.

Enjoy!



-Bob

Bob

I was having a hard time writing a post introducing myself. I don't know why it's so hard. Then I realized that I had already done that, when I had to post an introduction on an lDS singles site. So, I decided to cheat and copy it here. The profile only allows 2500 characters, so that's why the numbers references. Enjoy!

2500 characters is a lot, but my goal today is to use all 2500 of them, and to finish this thing using only complete sentences.

So, I guess you want to know some things about me. To begin with, I'm a substitute teacher. I love my job, but the pay is terrible. So, I'm looking for a new day job. I also work evenings down at the Delta Center. You know, the basketball arena where the Jazz play? I have to clear that up for people, because when I tell people where I work, they sometimes ask me who much a flight costs to Los Angeles or why we don?t serve peanuts anymore. One time, some of my coworkers and I went to dinner before an event. The waitress just couldn't get the fact that we were not airline employees, so I eventually told her that a flight to Orlando cost $149.

In the small amount of time that you could call "free time," I like to read, watch movies, and write things. I have three blogs. I even occasionally write bad poetry. I make a point not to share the bad poetry on a first date. But, if that first date goes well enough, I'll maybe share some on date number two. I also enjoy taking pictures of things and making videos.

Oh, and a prerequisite of working at the Delta Center is that you have to be a sports fan. And I like to laugh. I also have this knack for rambling off random trivia. I'm a good person to have on your team if we're playing Trivial Pursuit.

Many people ask me what I look for in a girl. Other than engaging eyes, not much. Most guys have a "type" but I do not.

However, I do know what I do not want. If you are not someone who can take a joke, or dish out a good joke, stop now. Go on to the next guy. Trust me; you will be saving yourself some time. Also, if your profile is in all caps, move on, because I really hate it when people start YELLING AT ME. (Deep breaths, baby steps through the profile?.OK, I'm fine now.)

Including spaces, I'm at 1989 characters as of the end of this paragraph. Only 511 characters to go.

However, I have run out of things to say. So, drop me a line, ask me a question, and I'll get back to you.

OK, so there it is. The things I left out were that I'm 26, adn the locations of my three blogs. You are reading one of them (I hope you figured that out already), and my other two are The World, According to Me, which is all about politics, and Bob on Sports, all about, well, sports.

Oh, and if you want to contact me, it's bobiscookiemonster AT yahoo DOT com.

-Bob

Shaun aka Super Nerd

I talked to Bob today about whether I should just jump in and do my introduction post. His attitude was that of "eh... Why not?". Besides, what better time than a quarter to midnight to describe myself?

I would dare say I am fully qualified to post to this blog as I find women to be a mystery which I partly blame on the fact that I never had sisters and my poor mom had three of us boys. I am however less qualified in that I can't say I know how to really clarify the mysteries of man.

I have had some women ask me what my "type" is. Of which I would prefer the type be a boolean value signifying male or female, to which I can happily respond that I am type male. The more frustrating thing has been when someone has tried to really probe into my mind and question me as to what I find attractive only to find circular reasoning and contradiction which always reflects badly on myself. I do not have a grand unified theory of attraction.

The moral of this? The Mysteries of Man and Woman are an art. If they were understood well enough to be a science the programmers would have figured it out and we'd all be happily married (the programmers at least).

Here I am, Shaun, 23, Nerd (in a good way), and particularly untalented at being single. If you ever want to get a better sense of who I am and what I do and think about, take a look at my personal blog, Life of a Hacker.

Perhaps next time I can share the theories of not-veto and its application to my dating life. It should be interesting.

Shaun

Some Rules

I was all set to give this blog a big push-off on January 1, get the ball rolling with a flurry of posts. As it is, we aren't starting off with much of a bang. I have found a second poster, my friend Shaun. However, I wanted this to be from the perspective of both genders, so if you are a lady (or could even be accused of being one), drop me an e-mail at bobiscookiemonster AT yahoo DOT com.

At a later point, Shaun and I will introduce ourselves. For the time being, I'll post some ground rules for regular posters and commenters.

1. All posts and comments will be rated PG at the worst. Remember, this is a (future) family blog.

2. All ad revenue will be spent on advertising for this blog. All posters will have a free link to any other blogs they contribute to.

3. All posters will be fully honest with the readers. All experiences and feelings will be true.

4. To respect the identity of anyone whom we might date, all names and other identification will be changed.

Any others you can think of?

-Bob

Welcome

Welcome to "Mysteries of Man (and Woman)." This is a blog for single members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. If you are not single or Mormon, you are welcome to visit, read, and post, but you may not feel this site is the best for you.

My goal for this blog is to unravel the myteries of man and woman. To gain knowledge about women, and to share knowledge about men.

I want this to be a "group blog." If you are a blogger, or would like to become one, please e-mail me at bobiscookiemonster AT Yahoo DOT com.

Welcome, and Enjoy!

-Bob