Tales From the Ward of Misfit Toys

Hanging Out vs Dating

2011-08-16T11:25:00.001-06:00

Back in 2005, Elder Dallin H Oaks spoke at a CES Fireside. Part of his talk centered on the topic of dating vs hanging out. An excerpt of this section of the address was printed in the June 2006 Ensign and can be found here.

Just after he gave this talk, I saw incidents of "hanging out" drop to near zero. However, Elder Oaks didn't say "don't hang out."

In fact, there was a column in the Deseret News this week titled "Hanging out, hooking up — why not date?" that implied that hanging out was wrong. However, I'm of the opinion that never hanging out is a bad idea.

Let's look at what Elder Oaks said:

An occasional group activity is OK, but when you see men who make hanging out their primary interaction with the opposite sex, I think you should lock the pantry and bolt the front door.

Yes, it is OK to get a group together. However, don't let it be an every weekend type of thing.

I know a group of women who do hang out every weekend. However, they do it without any men present (because they don't invite men). In fact, I have known several guys who have asked out girls from this group but have been turned down in favor of these "Girl's Nights Out." And then these women wonder why they aren't married.

So, get those (co-ed) groups together. When you get invited to a function, it's better than sitting at home doing nothing on a Friday or Saturday night. It's a great opportunity to meet other people, and who knows what it will lead to.

Outside of Church, I don't have many opportunities to meet other Single Mormons. Hanging out with friends (and their friends) is a great way to meet new people.

Oh, and I'd like to close with something else Elder Oaks had to say:

And, young women, please make it easier for these shy males to ask for a simple, inexpensive date. Part of making it easier is to avoid implying that a date is something very serious. If we are to persuade young men to ask for dates more frequently, we must establish a mutual expectation that to go on a date is not to imply a continuing commitment. Finally, young women, if you turn down a date, be kind. Otherwise you may crush a nervous and shy questioner and destroy him as a potential dater, and that could hurt some other sister.

It's an invite for a date, not a proposal of marriage.

-Bob

Quoting Seinfeld in Sacrament Meeting

2011-05-18T10:27:00.001-06:00

So, you're asked to give a Sacrament Meeting talk on Mother's Day in your Midsingles Ward, and the only topic you are given is to talk about something related to Mother's Day. So What do you speak on?

Finding the Mother of Your Future Children. Yep.

And, it was a classic. It started with a quote from National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation and then a few minutes later threw in a Spiderman reference. However, the part that took the cake was when he quoted the TV show Seinfeld.

I take that back. He didn't just read a quote from Seinfeld -- he recited part of a scene. What he quoted is this:

You may need to watch the whole scene to get it all, but it's pretty funny.

Anyway, I digress. I was going to make fun of this "Gospel according to Seinfeld" talk, but then I realized something.

"If every instinct you have is wrong, the opposite would have to be right."

I'm too much like "normal George." I need to be more like "opposite George."

Or, more specifically, Opposite Bob.

I'll let you know how it goes.

Welcome to the Ward of Misfit Toys

2011-05-16T16:31:00.001-06:00

So,I had this old attempt at a dating blog sitting around with 53 posts, the last one over a year ago. So, when a good friend suggested I turn my adventures in my new ward into a blog, I knew what I had to do -- transform this one.

So, what is my new ward, and why would it's stories make a good blog?

A few months ago, I turned 32. That meant that I had blown right past being a "Young Single Adult" (Yeah,I know that I really blew past it when I turned 31. Humor me a little). That meant it was time to leave my YSA Ward. I had two choices of where to go -- a "Family" Ward or a "Midsingles (31-45)" Ward.

After much prayer, I decided to attend the Midsingles Ward. A friend had tried it last summer, and had dubbed it the "Ward of Misfit Toys." The first week I attended the ward, I looked around and thought he was right. And then someone came and invited me over to his house to play Dungeons and Dragons, and I knew I was in the wrong place.

However, on the drive home, I realized that I, too, was a misfit toy. And, let's face it, if you are single Mormon over the age of 31, you, too, are a misfit toy to some degree.

And in the following weeks of trying out the ward, I realized that one major benefit of being in a Ward of Misfit toys is that they follow what I like to call the "Mr Rogers Principle" -- they like you just the way you are.

More than that, they are free to be themselves. And that makes the ward awesome. And funny.

So, I will not post things on here to offend or to make fun of anybody. However, I will find humor in my learning moments, and hope that the things you read here can not only bring joy into your life, but can also help you grow.

-Bob

The Meaning of Roses

2010-02-11T10:06:00.002-07:00

Well, Valentine's Day is coming up soon. And many of us will head out and buy roses (or other flowers) for our significant (or we-hope-she-could-be-significant) other.

However, many of you might be surprised to know that there are many different colors of roses out there. Proceed with caution, because while a rose may look nice, it may be sending an unintended message. Also, if you send the right message, and relay to that special lady that you know the meaning of that color rose, you will impress her twice over. So, with that, let's look at the varieties of roses and their meanings:

Red

Red roses signify love. Deep love. The "I want to move further in our relationship" type of love. Definitely do not send red roses to someone in the "friend zone" lest ye scare her off. Unless you REALLY want to make a giant leap of faith (more on that in a later post). However, if you are making that giant leap of faith, go with something a different color.

Pink

Grace, elegance, sweetness, poetic romance, gratitude, appreciation, gentleness, admiration, and refinement are all adjectives associated with pink roses. Pink roses are also a good way to say "I'm deeply in like with you." A definite go if your relationship is in the "in between" window. Also good for that "Giant leap of faith" I spoke about earlier.

Yellow

Yellow is a color of joy. Yellow roses are to be sent to a friend who needs a little cheering up. Send yellow roses to just about anyone, except maybe someone to whom red roses may be more appropriate. You don't want to derail that train.....

White

Purity, innocence, unity, virtue, honor, reverence, hope: Those are the reasons why the white rose is often called the Bridal Rose. Stay away unless you are ready to take her to the Temple.

Orange

Orange roses are tricky. One one hand, orange being a mixture of yellow and red, they could mean the desire to transform the relationship from one of friendship to one of love. On the other hand, orange roses can symbolize the heat of passion, burning desire and the flames of love. So, if you want the "transitional" meaning, be prepared for her to possibly get the second meaning.

Lavender

Lavender roses convey a meaning of enchantment or love at first sight. The color purple has also signified royalty for centuries.

Combos

So, if you want to, feel free to mix and match some colors. For instance, a mixture of red and yellow could say "I'm in love with my best friend." Red and white would make a great proposal bouquet. The possibilities are limitless.

-Bob

(source: Pro Flowers)

Words to live by

2010-01-07T12:39:00.005-07:00

I was listening to the radio and a DJ said this in response to single people complaining about being sing "What do you got excited going on in your life that someone else might be exciting?" he suggested do something you like; Go Traveling, Find Hobby, Try running, Try playing a Guitar, do SOMETHING!

Words to live by. So if you're not happy being Single DO SOMETHING! if you don't find your "Mr./Mrs. Right" from your actives, then you'll at least be doing something you enjoy and productive.

Enjoy yourselves and have fun. -Sean

2010-01-05T14:17:00.003-07:00

Greetings; i was wondering how to introduce my self and add to the blog then I found this and i belive it sums up EVERYTHING. hope you enjoy. -Sean

Welcome to a new member

2010-01-04T23:18:00.003-07:00

Back when Shawn and I started this blog, it stemmed from some late night conversations between us. Well, I've recently had some similar conversations with another person named Sean, and he has agreed to join the blog. Welcome,Sean! He'll be introducing himself to you soon, and we should be posting more regularly in the near future.

Also, if you would like to be a contributer to the blog, drop me an email at mysteries@bobaagard.com

Men lose their minds speaking to pretty women

2009-09-10T16:17:00.002-06:00

I knew it!

The research shows men who spend even a few minutes in the company of an attractive woman perform less well in tests designed to measure brain function than those who chat to someone they do not find attractive.

Researchers who carried out the study, published in the Journal of Experimental and Social Psychology, think the reason may be that men use up so much of their brain function or 'cognitive resources' trying to impress beautiful women, they have little left for other tasks.

The findings have implications for the performance of men who flirt with women in the workplace, or even exam results in mixed-sex schools.

Women, however, were not affected by chatting to a handsome man.

Back in the game

2009-08-19T22:23:00.002-06:00

I've been thinking of getting this blog going again for a while. Then, there was motivation to start posting again. Motivation times two.

The first motivation is the fact that I've jumped back into the dating game again. The second motivation is that, well, I'm jumping back into the dating game again.

But, more on that in another post.

However, I really want to have this blog be what I wanted it to be when I first started talking about it in late 2005 -- a blog written by several different (semi) regular writers about our dating lives, where we help each other learn the mysteries of man.

However, I can't go this alone. My cofounder (and only contributor) Shaun got married a year ago. I'll keep him on as a special adviser/"expert" if he wants to stick around. (yes, normal people would ask first, but I'm not normal people.

So, I need some writers. Some ground rules:

1. All posts and comments will be rated PG at the worst. Remember, this is a (future) family blog.

2. All posters will have a free link to any other blogs they contribute to.

3. All posters will be fully honest with the readers. All experiences and feelings will be true.

4. To respect the identity of anyone whom we might date, all names and other identification will be changed. (you can set it up so that you can delay when things will get posted. I plan delaying my date-specific posts.)

So, if you would like to be a writer around these parts, email me at mysteries@bobaagard.com

-Bob

Marry the right person

2009-04-14T12:35:00.000-06:00

"You have an important responsibility in choosing not only whom you will date but also whom you will marry. President Gordon B. Hinckley admonished: 'Your chances for a happy and lasting marriage will be far greater if you will date those who are active and faithful in the Church' ("Four B's for Boys," Ensign, Nov. 1981, 41). "Elder Bruce R. McConkie (1915–85) counseled: 'The most important single thing that any Latter-day Saint ever does in this world is to marry the right person, in the right place, by the right authority' ("Agency or Inspiration?" New Era, Jan. 1975, 38)."

Thomas S. Monson, "Whom Shall I Marry?" New Era, Oct. 2004, 4, 6

Pick up lines that work

2009-04-06T20:27:00.002-06:00

When I was working at EFY last summer, some of my boys created a list of pick up lines for me to use. I'll have to share the list with you sometime. It was really good.

Anyway, Someone sent me this article on the best way to approach someone of the opposite gender. Read it and then share your thoughts.

Forget shy smiles and pointed small talk - the way to a man's heart is by giving him no room to misunderstand your intentions.

Men favour a direct, no-nonsense approach when being chatted up by women, according to research.

A study found that simple lines, such as 'Fancy dinner?' or 'Can I give you my number?' avoid confusion and thus have more success.

The researchers, from Bucknell University in Pennsylvania, said that men find it hard to 'read' hints, even if they are accompanied by flirty body language.

The scientists asked a group of women for their top chat-up lines.

They took the 50 most common answers and asked 70 men and women how well they thought they would work.

Men found a direct approach, such as an invitation to dinner or the cinema, the most appealing.

Exchanges of phone numbers scored next best with the male volunteers, followed by indirect invitations, including 'Do you have plans later?' and 'What are you up to tonight?'

The women also rated the direct approach the most highly - but were also impressed with those lines which were designed to pin down common interests.

Supposedly humorous lines, such as 'Your shirt matches my bedspread - you belong in my bed', fared poorly, the journal Personality and Individual Differences reported.

But absolutely bottom of the pack were smiles and openers such as 'You look familiar. Have I met you before?'

Psychologist Dr Joel Wade said: 'The direct indication of a possible date as well as the hint of a possible date gives the man a clear signal - instead of sending mixed non-verbal signals that the man must decipher.'

He added that straightforward suggestions removed any 'uncertainty regarding the outcome of the interaction'.

However, any woman looking for long-term love might want to think twice about offering her phone number to strange men - because they might view her as more interested in a fling.

Surprisingly, for men looking to chat up women, talking about the weather seems to be a surefire hit.

An earlier study found that the line 'It's hot today, isn't it? It's the best weather when you're training for a marathon', is the perfect way for a man to show off his intelligence and athletic prowess.

The worst line for men was 'I was wondering if you had space in your bag for my Mercedes keys?'

Mysteries

2008-01-06T15:33:00.001-07:00

Enjoyable Dates

2007-08-29T11:05:00.000-06:00

I've been thinking recently about Shauns last few posts, and about my own dating situation.

It seems like, instead of asking a girl on a date and then planning to do something that she might enjoy, why not plan to do something you enjoy doing, then invite a girl to join you in the activity?

-Bob

My first mistake...

2007-08-18T23:42:00.000-06:00

I think I know one of the things I've been doing wrong. Instead of starting out by thinking about what might be fun to generally do, I have been thinking about what "other people" do on "normal" dates.

First, what do I care what other people do for fun? With my dates I've been taking a high school like attitude which results in doing things the way most other people do, despite getting bad results.

Secondly, who am I to let someone else define what this mythical "normal" is? For shame!!! It is a foolish thing that I have looked outside of myself to determine what I should do.

No, I must move forward. I must put down old attitudes and habits. I must also better define the separation of my work from the rest of my life. If I do not, work will continue to negatively impact many friendships I enjoy presently. Which thing, I believe, has contributed to not enjoying dates much recently.

I think I've got a problem

2007-08-16T22:12:00.000-06:00

I went on a date tonight. It was OK, but not great. Though, I think I'm the reason why it didn't go much better than OK.

I'm so very not enthused about dating in general that when I'm on a date I just can't get into it. I think I've also gotten into the habit of not making myself mentally available.

Somewhere I learned that showing interest is a bad thing. From that I transitioned to acting disinterested so as to not show too much interest. Now I'm becoming legitimately disinterested in the dating process even when I want to try going out with someone.

This all adds up to trouble, and I've got to do something about it.

If I don't change anything then Earnest (jack) in the importance of being earnest said it best, "Then a passionate celibacy is all that any of us can look forward to".

I'm going to try again. I'm also going to try my best to be a better date next time. Wish me luck...

Regulation dates

2007-08-04T22:17:00.000-06:00

It seems that all I seem to be going on are regulation dates ending in regulation disappointment. It's a phrase that comes from the episode of Futurama where fry dates a bureaucrat.

I think the biggest problem is that I'm just not really into it. I'm coming to expect that dates will go poorly and I'm just not really willing to put the effort into it. It doesn't help that with 4 out of 5 it is my own disinterest that causes me not to try for a second date.

Suffice it to say that dating is hard. There are a lot of people that I don't match very well at all, and it's just so much easier to not go out and spend time doing things I enjoy instead.

The only trouble is that I feel like I'm missing something. Something that has just enough power to make me go on more dates, even though I'm not really enjoying it.

Couple Programmers?

2007-07-23T17:28:00.000-06:00

Someone sent the following to our ward e-mail list:

"The company I work for is looking for couple
programmers."

That's why I'm still single. I haven't been programmed properly yet....

-Bob

Shyness Sucks

2007-06-26T15:24:00.000-06:00

I've been working an unusual job this summer. I have opted to not disclose the location until the end of the summer. However, I met someone really cool while I was there. I tracked down her email address and sent her the following email. I have edited some parts out....

N.-

This feels really, really weird to do. If this email creeps you out and you think I'm a stalker or something, go ahead and delete it. I promise you that unless I hear back from you, this will be the last you hear from me. Stalkers don't make those promises. :)

Now, to the meat of my email. Last Saturday at breakfast, your co-[worker] (her name slips my mind) came and sat next to me. We chatted for a moment with some other counselors, then she hit me with the question.

"Do you like N.?"

And then the follow-up:

"If you like her, why didn't you talk to her?"

Thoughts raised by these questions have rolled around in my head for the past five days. And, well, I'd like to share my honest answers and thoughts with you.

As far as the first question goes, the answer on Saturday was "yes." When you first came and sat down next to me [on] Sunday and introduced yourself, my first two thoughts were "Dang, she's cute," followed by "I'm going to like [this job]." Call me shallow if you want to, but remember, I'm being honest.

During our limited conversations the next week, my thoughts turned to what a cool woman you are. Kindness radiates around you, and touches those with whom you come in contact with. The more I saw, the more I liked. That leads us to question #2:

"If you like her, why didn't you talk to her?"

The short answer is that I am shy. Especially when it comes to girls I "like.," and telling them that I like them and would like to get to know them better. It's a terrible thing. It ranks fairly high on my list of "reasons Bob is not married yet." Yes, the list does exist. My Bishop made me make it a few years ago. I have overcome most things on my list, and I don't share the list with many people (some of my best friends don't know that the list exists). But I digress.

My shyness is the reason I am writing this instead of calling you. I am much better at the written word than the spoken word. I always feel like less of a dork when I write.

I thought about asking you out as early as Wednesday. However, that little "you'll sound like a dork" kept creeping up on me. I decided that if there was a time that I saw you away from everyone to ask you, it would be easier. That time did not come.

Now, on to what has transpired since that breakfast conversation of Saturday. I had hoped to catch you at the [meeting] that morning, but I didn't. The whole way home, I thought about what I had done, or not done. I decided that I needed to try and find you.

Most people I told about this have told me that I will come across as a stalker. I admit that I sound like a stalker to myself at this point. That's the reason I'm typing this on Thursday and not Monday. I've spent the three days deciding whether jumping off this cliff into stalker-ism was worth it.

Then, about 2:30 this morning, the thought occurred to me: I was sick of living a life of regrets. If I did it, what's the worst that could happen? You would think me a stalker or a dork or something else, and I'd never hear from you again. However, if I didn't write this, Bob [A] would be that strange kid you sat next to at the [job] back in 2007, and I'd never hear from you again.

Well, I've rambled on long enough. I figure that if you are still reading this, you are either enjoying a good laugh at my dorkiness, calling the cops to report me as a stalker, or you're intrigued enough to answer the following question:

Could I have the opportunity to get to know you better, in one way or another?

Again, if you don't reply (or reply and tell me to jump off a cliff....), this is the last you'll hear from me. Because if I kept up the contact, then I'd really be a stalker....

-Bob [A]

I share this with you for a few reasons:

#1: It's been 1.5 months since either Shaun or I posted anything to this blog, which is pretty sad. And, if nothing else, it was a fabulous adventure into the dating world.

#2: I would like to admit that I'm a shy guy. Admitting it is the first step to recovery, I think.

#3: To prove to the two people that read this blog that I am a dork.

Now, you're probably hoping that I got this great reply and that N and I will be riding off into the sunset.

Well, not so much:

Bob,

I'm flattered that you took the time to email me and let me know how you feel. It was nice to talk to you a couple times last week. However, I have been dating someone for a while now who I really like.

I know what you mean about not wanting to live with any regrets and I wish you well in the future!

N.

Holding back

2007-05-10T23:40:00.000-06:00

Today I got the distinct impression that one of the big problems these days is that everyone holds back.

I hold back when someone shows interest and I'm not that interested. I keep talking to others and I keep seeing them hold back.

I'm not making it for going on a date this week. Tomorrow is the end of the 7 days I declared and I have gone on no date. When I want to ask someone new out, I hold back, lest I scare them off.

Last week I tried asking someone out and she declared herself busy all this week. This resulted in the general cooling I notice from many of the women I try to ask out. Holding back...

When I meet new people I find I have little to say to make conversation. So I say nothing. Holding back...

I think the next thing I need to work on is not holding back. I can't expect others to improve on this until I stop holding back.

Shaun

Not looking good

2007-05-08T19:22:00.000-06:00

A few days I said I would go on a date within 7 days. The first attempt failed with a one week deferral. Said deferral may become permanent anyway so I have still been looking for another date.

I'm not sure what my problem is, but I just don't think I'm making good use of my time when it comes to meeting people. I went to ward prayer Sunday night and didn't even meet anyone new.

We'll see how I do tonight, but it's just not looking so good for me making it on a date this week.

It doesn't help that I'm not super motivated.

Shaun

Dating game theory

2007-05-05T09:34:00.000-06:00

This week I decided to bring in Dr. Nash an expert in game theory.

Non-Dating adventures is right

2007-05-05T09:24:00.000-06:00

I finally got a chance to read Bob's last post about our conversation a month ago. The really sad part is that I can't think of any dates I've been on in the last 2 months.

I have no idea how that time creeps up like that, but it did. That said, I will go on a date within 7 days. I recently decided I needed to take dating more seriously so I promptly didn't go on any non-serious dates. Or any dates at all...

I'm not sure that's how that was supposed to work.

Shaun

PS. If I don't have a date in 7 days I promise to make a posting of shame.

Fabulous Adventures in non-Dating

2007-04-04T09:32:00.000-06:00

I was playing with google last night. I typed in "fabulous dating adventures."

This blog came us first.

However, that led Shaun and I to talk.

We both agreed that the reson why we don't post to this blog very often is because we don't have many fabulous adventures in dating.

Shaun said it was because his advetures aren't always fabulous.

I said it's because my fabulous adventures don't include dating.

In any case, I promise to include dating in my fabulous adventures, and to share with you the journey...

-Bob

James E Faust: Dating "sacred"

2007-03-08T09:26:00.000-07:00

"Occasionally someone suggests it be appropriate to have a computer dating program set up under church auspices, or some kind of marriage search committee set up so that the Church could more directly be involved in marriage partner selection. My response to such suggestions is that the selection process for eternal companions is so sacred that no one can or should intrude into the making of these choices except the individuals themselves, who should assume and bear the responsibility with divine guidance, parental counsel, and in some cases if necessary the help of a wise bishop."

-"The Odyssey to Happiness," in Speeches of the Year: BYU Devotional and Ten-Stake Fireside Addresses, 1974. 1975, 325

Is Dating Like Voting?

2007-03-06T12:02:00.000-07:00

There have been two things on my mind alot lately: Dating and Politics. I've decided the two are very similar.

The list of candidates is large. Some characteristics of the candidates are such that you automatically disqualify them. Others have many qualities you like, but some you dislike. It is near impossible to find the perfect candidate. Weeding through the candidates can be very time consuming. Some candidates spend way too much money trying to woo you.

Oh, and many people are way too apathetic towards the process.

-Bob

How much do you do?

2007-02-10T11:09:00.000-07:00

A few weeks ago I had three dates in one week. When questioned about it I pointed out that it was a non-representative spike in dating activity. I see myself slipping back into my quarterly dating I was doing before.

Oddly enough there are always things that get in the way. Here are a few of my favorites.

Bills came due, I'm broke the rest of the week.
I forget to call until it's after 10:00. Oops, maybe tomorrow...
She's "busy".
I'm "busy".
Friday/Saturday night Relief Society activities.
I realize I'm interested days before she moves out of the country.

There's one more thing we need to address. There are alot of people that can't date me. It's just the way it is.

The biggest thing I avoid is someone who has any shows they just have to watch. For me TV is a waster of minds. It encourages sedentary behavior and dependence on external sources for entertainment.

The moral of this post?

If you're not interested say that instead of "busy".
If there's a relief society activity it might be OK to go on a date instead.
If you want me to like you, don't watch TV.

Is that so hard?

Get that name right

2007-01-21T22:43:00.000-07:00

I was checking the updated name change and realized that bob got the wrong name. It's inspired by the title of another blog that I read. Fabulous Adventures in Coding.

Adventures in Dating

2007-01-17T17:44:00.000-07:00

Shaun and I were talking on Sunday, and we came up with a new name for this blog. However, I can't remember if this was the correct name or not.

Shaun, please email me if I have the wrong name...

-Bob

An Old Friend

2007-01-17T17:33:00.000-07:00

Today, I ran into an old friend of mine while downtown. We talked for a while, and then she needed to return to work, and I walked he there, while we still conversed.

I had, at one point in time, wanted to ask her out. However, annother friend had called dibs, and then acted on the dibs. They went out a few times.

Then, friend #2 took bad advice, and ended the relationship.

Actually, he didn't "end" it so much as not calling her again.

What a shame.

He and she were so much better together than she and I would be.

But, it's his loss, not mine.

-Bob

Extreme Dating

2007-01-08T13:04:00.000-07:00

A singles ward that some of my friends attend just instituted a dating program for their ward. While I don't have all the details, these are two details that I know about:

For the sisters, ask 12 boys out in the next 12 months.

For the Brothers, go on 18 dates in the next 3 months. 6 of them should be second dates or more.

The first part, women asking on a date a month, is a good idea. Maybe not quite that many, but women should not be worried about asking a guy out. Stop dancing around the issue, hoping we will ask you out. If you want to go on a sate with us, ask us!

The second is extreme. Start out small, like one date a week (Which is still a lot!) and then move on from there. 1.5/week? Sheesh!

-Bob

Some Good Advice

2006-11-03T10:58:00.000-07:00

The following was posted as advice on a friend's MySpace page.

As we grow up, we learn that even the one person that wasn't supposed to ever let you down probably will.

You will have your heart broken probably more than once and it's harder every time. You'll break hearts too, so remember how it felt when yours was broken.

You'll fight with your best friend.

You'll blame a new love for things an old one did.

You'll cry because time is passing too fast, and you'll eventually lose someone you LOVE♥.

So take too many pictures, laugh too much, and love like you've
never been hurt because every sixty seconds you spend upset is a minute of happiness you'll NEVER get back.

*Don't be afraid that your life will end,
be afraid that it will never begin.

Determining interest

2006-11-01T23:01:00.000-07:00

The topic of trying to figure out if a girl is interested has come up recently. In response to Bob's previous post I have the following to suggest...

Time spent wondering if someone likes you is time wasted.
-- Byron (paraphrase)

Ask and you either, A- find out she likes you too, or B- find out she's not interested and are thus free to get moving on finding someone who is interested.

If a girl isn't interested nothing will magicly change about that. You don't have agonize over it for long periods of time leaving yourself emotionally messed up when you finally do come to a conclusion.

Besides, you will never be in a proper relationship with someone unless you talk about what it is you are doing. Believe me, I definitely wish DTR only stood for Data Transmit Ready, but such is not the case...

I'm going to do it

2006-10-30T13:25:00.000-07:00

OK, this is it. I'm going to jump off the proverbial bridge.

No more games. Feelings are going to be expressed. It is time.

No talking me down off the bridge.

.....

In fact, someone push me off the bridge, please. Just writing this ties my stomache in knots.

-Bob

Quarterly Dating

2006-10-23T16:44:00.000-06:00

Until recently I've been doing "Quarterly Dating". Quarterly dating is where you meet someone and think, "She seems nice... I should call her sometime this quarter." I can't say it's terribly effective.

Recently however, I managed to go on a date that went well enough to result in a second one.

Tomorrow I have another date lined up with her. Go me.

Shaun

Still trying to figure things out

2006-10-04T06:50:00.000-06:00

It's been a while since Shaun and I have posted, but it''s time to crank this thing up again.

So, there's this girl we'll call "Operation Bus Tour."

We had several "moments" together on a ward camping trip in August. Just after the trip, I asked her out.

Well, I left several messages on her voice mail. She eventually left me a voice mail letting me know sometime in the future would work better for her.

So, I asked her out again. Actually, I left her annother voice mail. I called on Tuesday to go to a baseball game on Saturday. She talked to me at ward prayer on Sunday.

Then, she went on full ignore mode. Well, I shouldn't say that completely, but after an activity where I could tell she was avoiding talking to me, I didn't see her a month. I decided to drop any idea of asking her out again.

Then, I ran into her at a party. We talked, we laughed, we had fun. I walked her back to her appartment.

But, then Monday Night happened. Our ward had a hoedown. She and I had dinner together. Then, we danced together (she asked me). We went outside to cool off and talk.

I'm so confused as to where she stands.

How can I ask her?

-Bob

Frustration

2006-06-21T10:21:00.000-06:00

I was talking recently with a young woman who was having frustration with the lack of dating going on in her life.

However, I think I have found part of the problem.

You see, it seems like the Relief Society in our singles ward is doing something every night. And if it isn't them, it's a ward hike. Or Institute, or Ward Temple Night.

And somewhere in there, we are supposed to date?

-Bob

I need to know

2006-06-06T13:52:00.000-06:00

It is sometimes hard to read signals from people of the opposite sex.

This girl that I have been out with was at the same function as me last night. I was getting some fairly negative signals.

Then, when we were together in annother social setting today, I was getting some serious positive signals.

What gives?

-Bob

Rocky Mountain Raceways

2006-04-30T16:11:00.000-06:00

Can I just say that RMR, while a fun place to go in general, does not translate into a good place for a first date.

It's too loud for conversation.

-Bob

Regrets

2006-04-22T14:00:00.000-06:00

Clear back last December, I went on a date with someone we'll call "Operation Independence." We had fun, an enjoyable time. But then something happened.

I never called her for a second date.

I wanted too, sure. However, I didn't. Time passed, and I forgot about it.

Then, I saw her at work last night. For the entire night, she was all I could think about.

That hasn't happened for a long time. Thinking about what might have been.

Someone's getting a phone call from me.

-Bob

Phonitis

2006-04-19T12:07:00.000-06:00

Years ago, I was having a conversation with a female friend of mine who was having guy trouble.

The trouble was that the guy wasn't calling her.

It's a problem that I think may come from genetics. It doesn't matter whether it's calling to ask for a date, calling after a date, or just calling to say hi, we guys seem to have a problem.

It's a problem that frustrates the girls, which then frustrates the guys.

What can be done?

-Bob

Refreshing honesty

2006-04-10T22:24:00.000-06:00

Today I was talking to a friend of mine. I told her that I had thought about asking her out and asked whether she would like to do that. She told me that she didn't see it as being much of a good fit.

First off, this is refreshing because I would much prefer that she tell me directly that she doesn't see much of a match. Second, I'm not surprised. However, this is preferable to going out and then having one more person in the world who can no longer be at ease in a conversation with me.

I have maintained and will continue to maintain that I am a very unique individual. The thing that can make that hard is that most people just don't understand me. This makes it hard to relate to those people.

It's nice that I had someone remove herself from the running early. I need to find someone who can appreciate full, undiluted Shaun. I'll look high and low, try the likely and unlikely, or even go to the curious and odd. Eventually I'll find someone who can appreciate the nerd that I am and when I meet that person I'm sure it will raise more questions than it answers and strange things will always be afoot.

Shaun

Dating Moratoriums

2006-04-06T21:00:00.000-06:00

Have you ever felt the need to stop dating for a while? I decided to do just that back in November. I decided to start dating again a month ago and just haven't done anything. You can read about it in my Dating Moratorium post in my other blog. I think it has served the purpose I was hoping it would.

I wanted to do a reset on my dating life. The theory is that if you stop trying to date for a while and completely free yourself of thoughts of dating you can spend more time on thinking about whether or not you're in a good position to be dating in the first place. I still had some trouble sticking to my decision to not date. I guess I can stop dating, but never stop finding women interesting.

At this time I'm thinking about asking someone out and I'm actually thinking about things like whether or not this is a good time for her. I'm now able to consider the feelings of the other person involved. Now all I need is to be sensitive to those feelings. I think this is an important step.

Relationships are not meant to fix emotional pain. They can't do that. They are best enjoyed by people who already have their lives worked out enough to be OK on their own.

There's one more key thing I've learned in this. Cultivate friendships in order to prepare for more intimate relationships. It's just a matter of depth. Close relationships can be like swimming in the deep end; it can be a mistake if you don't know what you're doing in the water in the first place.

Shaun

The Shaun Kruger school of life long learning

2006-02-27T15:09:00.000-07:00

Ever have a funny thought come to mind at 6:30 in the morning? It happens to me often enough. In fact this one came Sunday morning...

The Shaun Kruger School of Life Long Learning (SKSL3) is now taking applications for students wishing to get their MRS. Classes start every Friday between 6 and 7 PM. The curriculum includes field trips associated with the following classes:

Dinner 1010
Dancing 1030
Family Parties 2010
Road tripping 2040 (elective)
Engagement 3060

Preferred classes for all students seeking their MRS include:

Church activities 1020
Summer recreation 2030

On campus housing is not available to undergraduate students. However, free housing is offered to the graduate who accepts a permanent faculty position at SKSL3.

Ok, So I'm a nerd. A nerd accepting applications...

Shaun

27

2006-02-14T15:56:00.000-07:00

27 (twenty-seven) is the natural number following 26 and preceding 28. Twenty-seven is the smallest positive integer requiring four syllables to name in English

Twenty-seven is also:

~The atomic number of cobalt.
~The total number of books in the New Testament of the Holy Bible.
~The number of letters in the Spanish alphabet
~The current number of Amendments to the United States Constitution.
~The age in years at which musicians Robert Johnson, Jim Morrison, Jimi Hendrix, Kristen Pfaff, Chris Bell, Brian Jones, Janis Joplin and Kurt Cobain died. Occasionally, this is termed the ideal age to die, and in fact the concept is so famous that it has inspired a brand of clothing, Dead.At.27.
~The code for international direct-dialed phone calls to South Africa.
~"Weird Al" Yankovic hides the number 27 somewhere in many of his songs and videos.
~With the number 37, a key number in comedian Charles Fleischer's concept of moleeds.
~I-27 is the designation for a US interstate highway in Texas.
~US 27 is the designation of a highway from Fort Wayne, Indiana to Miami, Florida.
~The number of completed, numbered piano concertos of Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart
~As of 12:57 this morning, my age, in years.

(source: Wikipedia for all but the last, which is found here at Wikipedia....)

Yes, folks, today is my birhtday. Annother year has come and gone. I didn't really have a tough time with being annother year older, until about a week ago. I suddenly remembered that one of my favorite teachers, Chip Hopkins, turned 27 while I was his student. He gave us a lecture about all the musicians who died at 27. to a 15/16 year old, 27 is, well, old.

It's not so old, anymore.

-Bob

Interested? What's that?

2006-02-04T23:04:00.000-07:00

Occasionally I wonder if someone I am talking to is interested in going on a date. I know people like to say things like "Just ask", but lets take a serious look at what goes wrong with this.

First, let me say that it is all too common for people today to equate going a date with having to form some kind of commitment. In fact, Mr Darcy in Pride and Prejudice near the end of chapter 6 observes "A lady's imagination is very rapid; it jumps from admiration to love, from love to matrimony, in a moment." This is often true for both men and women.

Many of us are constantly sizing everyone else up for whether they would be good husbands or wives and never stopping to consider if we have enough information to even consider the matter. We are also experts on what everyone else should be doing. (I think this is because we don't have to worry about any of the feelings involved in living through others.)

What does it mean to be interested? What does it mean to like someone? How does that become love?

If I knew these answers I would probably be actively dating. The trouble is that I find various women I know attractive and find them enjoyable to talk to. I would dare say these are my two basic criteria for wanting to go on a date. If we consider this seriously how much more can we expect to round down before going on a date? Further investigation is the purpose of a date. Last week I was talking to Bob and I said, "Dating seems to be the process of doing due diligence before selecting a permanent roommate".

Before I go on I would like to offer a slight explanation that would help illustrate where some of my trouble on this and other topics comes from. When I came home early off of my mission it was determined that I had Pervasive Developmental Disorder - Not otherwise specified. The best explanation I can offer is that while many people find social interaction something that comes easily I have to make a specific study to figure it out. There was once a time when I couldn't even tell I had done something that bothered others or made them uncomfortable.

By this I will have to assume that "Just Ask" doesn't work because there is still something I'm missing. Then again, I really just see dating as two people trying out for a team. Each one can cut the other at any time. The trick is finding someone who is actually holding try outs.

What's to be done? I am doing pretty well at disregarding whether or not I would like to go on a date with someone. This does two things. I presently ask no one out. I also don't spend any time thinking whether I would like to go on a date with someone while talking to them. In a way this is very liberating and is for now allowing me to have more relaxed easier conversation with the women I know.

I guess I'll keep doing what I'm doing and wait for more mysteries to manifest themselves through patient observation. Until then I guess I'll have to go on some dates so I can continue the process of discovery. Besides, it's only dinner, I was hungry anyway.

Shaun

chick flick redux

2006-02-04T10:01:00.000-07:00

(Re-written Monday, February 6)

OK, so on Saturday, I wrote a post. Then when Shaun posted, Mine disappeared for some reason. I don't know why, but I'm poting this back in it's proper slot, in hopes Shaun's doesn't disappear. If it does, I've got a backup.

Well, the post was about how I am a sucker for chick flicks. Yes, I am man enough to admit it. I even admit that I have been known to cry at times.

That being said, some men need to be tricked into seeing chick flicks. So, I found this trailer that maybe you can use to sucker that guy into seeing Sleepless in Seattle.

Enjoy!

-Bob

Bob

2006-01-23T09:03:00.000-07:00

I was having a hard time writing a post introducing myself. I don't know why it's so hard. Then I realized that I had already done that, when I had to post an introduction on an lDS singles site. So, I decided to cheat and copy it here. The profile only allows 2500 characters, so that's why the numbers references. Enjoy!

2500 characters is a lot, but my goal today is to use all 2500 of them, and to finish this thing using only complete sentences.

So, I guess you want to know some things about me. To begin with, I'm a substitute teacher. I love my job, but the pay is terrible. So, I'm looking for a new day job. I also work evenings down at the Delta Center. You know, the basketball arena where the Jazz play? I have to clear that up for people, because when I tell people where I work, they sometimes ask me who much a flight costs to Los Angeles or why we don?t serve peanuts anymore. One time, some of my coworkers and I went to dinner before an event. The waitress just couldn't get the fact that we were not airline employees, so I eventually told her that a flight to Orlando cost $149.

In the small amount of time that you could call "free time," I like to read, watch movies, and write things. I have three blogs. I even occasionally write bad poetry. I make a point not to share the bad poetry on a first date. But, if that first date goes well enough, I'll maybe share some on date number two. I also enjoy taking pictures of things and making videos.

Oh, and a prerequisite of working at the Delta Center is that you have to be a sports fan. And I like to laugh. I also have this knack for rambling off random trivia. I'm a good person to have on your team if we're playing Trivial Pursuit.

Many people ask me what I look for in a girl. Other than engaging eyes, not much. Most guys have a "type" but I do not.

However, I do know what I do not want. If you are not someone who can take a joke, or dish out a good joke, stop now. Go on to the next guy. Trust me; you will be saving yourself some time. Also, if your profile is in all caps, move on, because I really hate it when people start YELLING AT ME. (Deep breaths, baby steps through the profile?.OK, I'm fine now.)

Including spaces, I'm at 1989 characters as of the end of this paragraph. Only 511 characters to go.

However, I have run out of things to say. So, drop me a line, ask me a question, and I'll get back to you.

OK, so there it is. The things I left out were that I'm 26, adn the locations of my three blogs. You are reading one of them (I hope you figured that out already), and my other two are The World, According to Me, which is all about politics, and Bob on Sports, all about, well, sports.

Oh, and if you want to contact me, it's bobiscookiemonster AT yahoo DOT com.

-Bob

Shaun aka Super Nerd

2006-01-21T23:47:00.000-07:00

I talked to Bob today about whether I should just jump in and do my introduction post. His attitude was that of "eh... Why not?". Besides, what better time than a quarter to midnight to describe myself?

I would dare say I am fully qualified to post to this blog as I find women to be a mystery which I partly blame on the fact that I never had sisters and my poor mom had three of us boys. I am however less qualified in that I can't say I know how to really clarify the mysteries of man.

I have had some women ask me what my "type" is. Of which I would prefer the type be a boolean value signifying male or female, to which I can happily respond that I am type male. The more frustrating thing has been when someone has tried to really probe into my mind and question me as to what I find attractive only to find circular reasoning and contradiction which always reflects badly on myself. I do not have a grand unified theory of attraction.

The moral of this? The Mysteries of Man and Woman are an art. If they were understood well enough to be a science the programmers would have figured it out and we'd all be happily married (the programmers at least).

Here I am, Shaun, 23, Nerd (in a good way), and particularly untalented at being single. If you ever want to get a better sense of who I am and what I do and think about, take a look at my personal blog, Life of a Hacker.

Perhaps next time I can share the theories of not-veto and its application to my dating life. It should be interesting.

Shaun

Some Rules

2006-01-11T19:14:00.000-07:00

I was all set to give this blog a big push-off on January 1, get the ball rolling with a flurry of posts. As it is, we aren't starting off with much of a bang. I have found a second poster, my friend Shaun. However, I wanted this to be from the perspective of both genders, so if you are a lady (or could even be accused of being one), drop me an e-mail at bobiscookiemonster AT yahoo DOT com.

At a later point, Shaun and I will introduce ourselves. For the time being, I'll post some ground rules for regular posters and commenters.

1. All posts and comments will be rated PG at the worst. Remember, this is a (future) family blog.

2. All ad revenue will be spent on advertising for this blog. All posters will have a free link to any other blogs they contribute to.

3. All posters will be fully honest with the readers. All experiences and feelings will be true.

4. To respect the identity of anyone whom we might date, all names and other identification will be changed.

Any others you can think of?

-Bob

Welcome

2006-01-01T11:18:00.000-07:00

Welcome to "Mysteries of Man (and Woman)." This is a blog for single members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. If you are not single or Mormon, you are welcome to visit, read, and post, but you may not feel this site is the best for you.

My goal for this blog is to unravel the myteries of man and woman. To gain knowledge about women, and to share knowledge about men.

I want this to be a "group blog." If you are a blogger, or would like to become one, please e-mail me at bobiscookiemonster AT Yahoo DOT com.

Welcome, and Enjoy!

-Bob